The Odyssey: A Messy Divorce: A View Into The Heart Of The Child

Hey friends!!

Here is my newest article with The Odyssey!

In this article I share part of my story. Check it out and let me know what you think! And share it with someone that you feel needs to hear it!

www.theodysseyonline.com/messy-divorce-story-perspective

Thanks y'all!

The Odyssey: A Note For The "Too Sensitive."

Hey friends!

Here is my newest article with The Odyssey!

A Note for the Too Sensitive

"...I don't remember exactly when or how it happened, but I started to come to peace with my sensitivity. And I learned how to use my sensitivity for the benefit of myself and others.

I became a sensitivity badass..."

Read more at:

www.theodysseyonline.com/note-for-the-too-sensitive


Thanks for all the support! *kisses*

The Odyssey: An Open Letter to Millennials (And Non-Millennials)

Hey friends!

Here is my newest article on The Odyssey, An Open Letter to Millennials (And Non-Millennials).

Definitely read it and let me know what you think!


"... I get it-- no one likes to hear what they are doing wrong and what they should change. It has just the opposite effect than what the person giving the advice intended. It makes us want to rebel more.

But can't you see it? The way that our generation is so full of hate?... Don't you get tired of all that hating? I know that I do..."

Read more at,

www.theodysseyonline.com/an-open-letter-to-millennials-and-to-non-millennials-just-as-well



Thanks for all of your support!!! <3

The Odyssey: 12 Ways to Keep Calm in the Chaos

Hey friends!
This is going to be a short post. I just wanted to let you all know that I have started writing for The Odyssey. I will probably still post a few things here, but I will often just give you guys a post with a link to my article, and a small excerpt of my article! Thanks for being interested in my words!!!

This is my first article-- let me know what you thnk!!!

12 Ways To Keep Calm in the Chaos

"What the majority is saying is not always the best belief of course of action. Have your own voice and do your own thing."

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/12-way-to-keep-calm-in-the-chaos

Just a ripped page of my heart.

I'm pretty sure I should have depression, but I don't let myself think about it too much... I had to fight it my whole life without meds or anything, and now everyone who knows me thinks I have a resilience level beyond measure, and sure, maybe I do. But I don't quite feel like I belong. And joy is incredibly hard for me to feel.


And here's the thing, at the end of the day when I am laying in bed alone I think about what happened that day-- the highs and lows. And I want to tell someone what the best thing about my day was. Or something small that made me smile, smile, smile. Or some tragic thing that wrecked my heart. But here's the thing, I don't have anyone to tell... there's people in my life that care about me, and they don't do it intentionally, but most of the time I tell them something and they dismiss it because they are busy, they're on their phone, or it is something that they just simply don't care about. So they don't acknowledge my words or reply... but every time that happens, my heart sinks a little.


It sinks because that thing was important to me. I don't say very much that my heart isn't attached to-- I try not to pollute the air with meaningless words when we live in a world that never stops talking anyway. Most of what I say has been thought about a great deal before I tell you, because (I over think everything) and I don't want to "bother" you. So when I do say something, no matter how small and meaningless it may seem to you , I was putting my heart out there on the line.


At the end of the day, I don't have anyone to tell these big and little things that are attached to my heart to. And I get lonely. But I'm afraid to reach out to someone for fear of being "too much," or "annoying," or "clingy." So I live in my head. I live in my head, and my head never shuts up. I'm always thinking about something--- how amazing God is that He made oceans and grapes that eventually make wine, how dogs just constantly love people and how they know when people aren't safe or someone is upset, how the world is quickly falling further and further into a deep abyss of hate and selfishness, or how lonely I feel. It never shuts up. And while being in my head can be beneficial at times, it can also be a sad and cold and lonely place.


I have a bunch of acquaintances and several people I pour into, but not very many people that love on me. Not very many at all. Don't get me wrong, I love being there for others, but someone to think of me every now and again would be refreshing.


And I fear that I'm not the only person who feels this way. It is those who have pushed through the deep muck and mire that will love others deeply, listen intently, and pour abundantly, it is those that are constantly pouring and giving that feel this way. We are the ones awake at 2AM, silently crying, wishing someone would listen or ask us... just every now and again...


We are your friends and family.


We are the person you pass on the street.


We are thinkers.


2AM was made for us.


We are the aching hearts.


We are lonely.


We are lovers.


We are dedicated.


We are persistent.


We are fighters.

The Orlando shooting is NOT about the gun.

I am not someone who likes to post about "hot topics" on social media. It creates too much drama, and I try to dodge enough of that in my "real life," I don't need it on the interwebs. But there has been a lot of talk about gun control after the Orlando shooting.

First, let me say how deeply grieved I am that precious lives were lost, and that my heart is hurting for the friends and family of those victims-- I cannot imagine the pain and the fear that they may be feeling right now. And I want to say that I am so sorry. There are no words that can undo what has happened and the lives that were lost. Nothing that will take this pain away. This was an act of injustice and a cruelty beyond measure. There is absolutely NO way to justify this shooting,as there never is for any shooting. This world needs a lot more love to go around, and a lot less hate and terrorism.

Secondly, I want to offer the LGBTQ community an apology on behalf of the Christians. I
am sorry for how you have been treated. For the words that have been said to you. And the disapproving looks you have received. We have been in the wrong. And I am sorry for that same people who have passed these judgments and given you those glares in the past are #prayingforOrlando now. We should offer you love at all times. And pray for you at all times. Not just when there is deep hurt and deep loss happening.

I serve a God of love and grace and forgiveness and mercy. He always welcomes home a wayward son. He wants to meet you with open arms. And while the Bible teaches against what you believe and live does not mean that I am not commanded and led to show you that same love and grace and forgiveness and mercy that my Father gives to me. The Bible gives Christians two commandments that are above all else--- to love God and to love others. To love God AND to love OTHERS. It does not say "to love others, unless..." It simply says to love them. And the Bible is not talking about just some plain love-- the kind of love that you refer to when you are saying how much you love pizza or doughnuts-- it is talking about Christ- like love-- agape love. An unconditional love. A love that does not have ANY prerequisites or standards.

The church may have hurt you deeply in any number of ways. But they may have thrown the "sin" card in your face (and while sin is an important thing to be aware of and to repent of it is not the first thing we should tell someone to draw them into love. You were not "scared" into salvation, if you were I am sorry. I was shown love and grace and then learned about sin and repentance not long after). Anyhow, if the church has hurt you, I am so sorry. As a Christian I am appalled that Christians throw shade before showering you with love, because I know that I need the love and grace of Jesus just as much, if not more, than you do.

Lastly, these are the words that I fear are going to get a lot of bad "mojo" sent my way... there has been a lot of talk about gun rights and restricting those rights, etc...

But... a gun is a gun, just as a pen is a pen. Both objects can be used to hurt and kill others, but neither one of those things will hurt or kill others without someone picking it up and using it for that manner.

I am a gun owner and I have a permit to conceal and carry. My gun has never hurt anyone, and it never will unless I pick it up because I feel as if my life is in immediate and serious danger. And I feel as if I have the right to own that gun.

It pains me to know that guns have been used to kill innocent people. To commit horrific acts of terrorism. Guns should be used for very few things in life-- to hunt, the protect yourself if your person is in immediate and serious danger, and the occasional shooting at the range to train and brushen up your skills.

Do I believe that background checks should be done to buy a firearm? ABSOLUTELY. Do I think that an EXTENSIVE background check should be done? YES, YES, YES! Am I for those who are one terrorist watch list should not be allowed to purchase a firearm? That's where it gets tricky--- the terrorist watch list consists of first and last names. I know people who have he same first and last name . Several of them actually. And so if someone has the same name as a person on the terrorist watch list they cannot buy a gun.

In example, if my law-abiding, permit-owning, friend, Sarah Smith wants to buy a firearm for self defense (because she was raped, assaulted, she feels a threat of that sort, or she just wants to be cautious), but Sarah Smith three states over is on the terrorist watch list, my friend cannot purchase that firearm for self defense.

In Pennsylvania you are required to have an ID that has your name, picture, birthday, and a few other details to even undergo background checks to purchase a firearm (I an unfamiliar with other state policies). Why can't the terrorist watch list include a birth-date, a social, something to decrease the denial of rights to law abiding Sarah Smith, but restrict those rights of suspected terrorist Sarah Smith?

The Orlando shooting is NOT about the gun. Not even by the skin of the teeth. It was an act of violence, of hate, of fear, of terrorism. An injustice done. It is about grieving those precious, precious lives and souls of those victims. About tending to those wounds and showing love-- lots and lots of love during this trying time for friends and families of those lost. Let's come together as a community, no matter how diverse in belief or appearance, come together and grieve together.

Give hugs and dry tears. Affirm pain and just show up for those in the LGBTQ community-- no matter where you are.

Traffic doesn't move any faster if you lay on your horn.

I went out to eat with some people the other day and we ordered our food. About 15 minutes had passed and one person I was with started to get impatient that their food wasn't here yet. And it got me thinking-- you cannot cook 3 different meals for three different people in 15 minutes when you are at home-- so what makes us think that they can do it that fast in a restaurant?

Which had me thinking about the bigger picture. As Americans, we are very impatient. We are always striving for bigger, better, stronger, and faster-- we want instant gratification and when we do not have our full three course meal in 12 minutes we start to freak out. Or when we have to stand in a line longer than three people long we start to let out sighs, make remarks to the other people in line in hopes to get some agreement, and we stand with annoyed posture to try and give the other employees a not-so-subtle indication that we want another register open. We get annoyed with the cashier when they make a small mistake, or yell at the pharmacist that has the "pleasure" of telling us that our insurance company won't pay for a refill until Saturday.

I am a fairly patient person, but I feel like I am an exception rather than the rule because I see the people around me. I see their postures and hear their chide comments.

Or I hear the cashier apologize four or five times when the credit card machine restarts itself. Or I see that expecting-the-worst face when the pharmacist says that my insurance company won't pay for my prescription for another two days. But I also see that wave of relief wash over their face when I say, "No, you're fine!" and then followed by a "Have a nice day!" when my transaction is complete.

I may not know a lot with only 21 years under my belt, but here is what I do know:

You are not better than the janitor or the cashier.

You are not entitled to anything.

Just because someone else is cooking does not mean that our food is going to be done in 5 minutes.

A line of five people will NOT kill you.

A smile will not damage your face.

A delayed payment by insurance is not the pharmacists problem. Don't shoot the messenger.

Being nice to someone doesn't take anymore time out of your day than being mean to someone.

We seek connection from others as people.

Eating a meal without looking at your cell phone isn't going to kill you. And neither will a walk without headphones.

A smile uses less muscles than a frown.

People love getting random surprises-- don't be afraid to buy someone a gift just because they cross your mind.

What you give is what you get.

Just because society thinks that "resting bitch face" is cool doesn't mean that you can't smile.

Traffic doesn't move any faster if you lay on your horn. Take that time to listen to your favorite song. Or to jam out to some Taylor Swift!

Rain won't stop just because you complain that you want sun.

Someone who is nice to you, but mean to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Even the offenders need a listening ear, the love of Jesus, and rehabilitation.



I could go on and on, but you get the point.


What happened to patience being a virtue? Just because it is a virtue does not mean that we should not be working to obtain that virtue. Why is southern hospitality reserved for only the south? Show other people some love. Be kind when the whole world is throwing shade every direction. And open your heart to others-- when you put a cage around your heart, you may keep that pain out, but you also keep the love out.

Sun, sand, salt water... and swim suit season?

Hey friends,
I bought a new swim suit the other day in preparation of my two beach trips coming up this summer... I know, I know. The dreaded swim suit season.

I cannot speak for men, but for women this is a time that awaits as soon as the previous season ends. It lurks in the darkness, ready to attack-- especially at the beginning of January after all of the holiday food goodness.

We chastise ourselves for eating that second piece of pumpkin pie, that cookie after 8:00pm, or that third glass of wine. And then it is March. And then April. And finally it is May and we really have to start thinking about vacations, and so we dig out the old faithful. That swim suit that you have had since... well forever because you don't want to shop for a new one. But to your dismay it is over stretched and there are a few holes in it, so you are forced to look for a new one.

Who made up swim suit sizes anyway? They're not like jeans or dresses, and why do they show so much skin? That one looks like half of your undergarments! You need a medium in bottoms and a large on the top-- so whole pieces are tricky; you fill out the bottom just fine, but why is there all of this extra space on top? You've never been so aware of how small (or large) your breasts are until this very moment standing in that dressing room. You're either popping out, or you can't fill the extra space. So you try on another suit. This one makes you feel just as insecure as the last one.

As I went through this process the other day, with nine different swim suits, I found one I liked, but then I wondered if other people would think it looked okay, or if they would judge me or make fun of me while I was reading on the beach. And then it hit me-- I cannot remember what one person was wearing when I was at the beach last year.

Let me tell you something my sweet friends, when you are laying in that sand,  people couldn't care less what you look like. Why would they? There is an entire ocean in front of them!

I don't even remember the color of someone's suit let alone what they looked like in it. But what I do remember is the sun warming my bare shoulders, the waves kissing my toes, and the sand sticking to every single thing I had with me!

So my dear ones, buy that new suit! Find one that you like and wear it proud! If you want a bikini, tankini, or whole piece, get one! If you feel comfortable in it, go for it.

Society tells us rhat we have to look like a  Victoria's Secret model that has been airbrushed and photo shopped so much that she can't even recognize herself on the bilboard in front of her. Society tells us that a "plus sized," ahem, average woman cannot wear a bikini. But she can. YOU can.

How you look in a swim suit, or a dress, or a pair of skinny jeans is NOT a prerequisite for your beauty or worth.

There are not prerequisites for your beauty or worth-- you were created by a divine Creator who gives you worth just because He made you, and sees you as more beautiful than you could ever imagine. So much more than what you look like in some stupid piece of polyester and spandex.

So when you start to feel insecure in the dressing room trying on swim suit number 15, try to remember what the stranger next to you on the beach last year looked like, and when you can't, go ahead and buy that suit! Find your worth in Christ and your beautiful spirit will radiate from within you!

Listen to those little whispers. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Today after church, I was sitting on my bed playing my newly bought ukulele. I was playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Amazing Grace for up-teenth time in the last two weeks, and I still can't move chords smoothly.

Despite my inability to change chords smoothly I looked up a tutorial for "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli (or Jesus Culture if you know that version). We sang this song in church this morning and I really want to be able to play it... to my dismay there were some chords that I do not know yet that are too complicated for me right now, and I am still kind of trying to get the hold of different strumming patterns.

I kept looking for an easier version that maybe I could just start to play-- I stumbled across a little girl, maybe eight or nine, playing the song on her ukulele. I clicked on the link hoping that it would be a little easier because she was younger. I was never so wrong in my life; turns out this little girl was really skilled at ukulele, piano, and drums and has been for a while.

That's when the lies started to creep in... I started to wonder, "Why can't I be naturally gifted at playing instruments?" "Why am I trying to even learn, I can't read music anyway." "You're never going to be that good. You wasted your money." "You can't do anything that well."

Those lies circled around in my head for a few minutes, and then I heard that still small voice whisper to my heart. I heard my Abba tell me that I need not to compare myself to others. Especially not their highlight wheels to my behind the scenes-- that little girl has been playing since she was five or six. I have been playing for two weeks. Yes, she may be more gifted than I will ever be in music, but I will get better than I am right now. I closed Youtube on my phone and ran through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star several more times and Amazing Grace once or twice until my finger tips were sore. I'm not exactly the gifted type, but I do have persistence and determination.

I may not have been created to play uke as well as that little girl or to have the same complexion as someone else. I have been created to be me. I may not be naturally gifted in music, academics, singing, sports, or any number of other things, but I have been created by the Father and let me tell you something about my Abba-- He loves me deeply. And He did not mistakenly create me. There is a call on my life and I have purpose in this world.

I have been created with resilience and persistence. With determination and empathy. I have been purposed to encourage, to love, and to speak Truth. And there is a deep call on my life to love the Lord, to worship Him, and to share Him. To be ever seeking to be more and more like Him. I am called to be His child.

These last few days have been hard and there have been some tears shed because I was in a vulnerable state and the enemy saw my hurting heart and took advantage of that with everything that he has. I was too broken to fight back, but I kept asking the Lord to let me lean into His comfort and that His arms would wrap around me. I had a wonderful woman of God pouring love and truth over my heart at the time, but I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't have what it took to stand back up in those hard places, and my mind was being flood with memories from my childhood when I was in those same hurting places. My gram once told me to wrap my arms around myself and give myself a hug when I was hurting and imagine that she was hugging me (I went through a sticky divorce where I wasn't allowed to talk to or see the other side of the family for a week until I switched houses). I would do this very often as a child. And I have found myself doing it again now. As I did this the other day I felt a comfort that the Lord was holding me close and I was hugging Him back.

I say all of this because what I was feeling was a product of comparing myself to other people and it broke me down. Comparison is the thief of joy; the enemy quickly sweeps in and grabs a foothold in your self-doubt. But the Father wants you to come to Him; even when you are hurting too much from those comparisons you have spoken over your life or someone else has spoken over you, He wants to love and comfort you. He wants whisper those truths to your weary heart (literally or He may use other people to tell you those truths).

I am not those lies the enemy was shouting at me left and right, but I am those small whispers of truths... I am worth more than earthly things. I can find joy. I fit in just fine, I am so very LOVED, I am not isolated, but connected, I am a leader. And the tears will stop.

When I stopped looking at my comparison wheel and the scarcity that is there, I was able to hear those precious, precious words from the Father. I was able to get out of bed and dust myself off. I pushed through the times I felt the tears starting to well up again throughout the day. I had a late lunch/ early dinner with one of my best friends-- that is probably the thing that I needed the most (physically) that day. Solid conversation with a solid woman of God who is also such a solid friend.

Let me speak some truth over you right now my sweet, sweet friend. You are so very loved. SO LOVED. And there is nothing that you can do that will ever change how loved you are. There is a call on your life and you are purposed. You are connected. And there are always open arms waiting for you to run into them. You are not those lies screaming in your head, but listen to those little whispers. Don't compare yourself; you were created uniquely you and there is no one else that you should be. Sending my love!

An open letter to my [used to be] step mom and the family that fell apart.

Hey you,

It's been a while...

There was a time when we were closer, when we used to make memories together-- when we used to be family. There was a very long stretch of time when we were apart of each others lives.

There are memories that you are a part of and they aren't much of a memory if I take you out of it. There would be a big gaping hole in the memory (or no memory at all) if I did that. We had so much history together.

10 years worth of memories-- good and bad, but that is what it is like with family. I always thought that is what we used to be, anyway.

I used to think about my future when I was a little girl. I always had a discord between who was going to do the things that a mother does on my wedding day. I felt so torn because my mom was my mom, but you were just as much as a mom to me, but I guess this doesn't matter anymore. I imagined that the girls would be my bridesmaids-- I always tried to understand the bond you have with your sisters with them, but I felt like an outsider a lot of the time. It wasn't their fault, it's just how it was. It's hard to take two families and make them into one without there being some kind of disconnection.

But we were a family none the less-- dysfunctional and awkward at times, but we share laughter and tears together. We share pain and joy together. Memories that cannot be forgotten. There are things that I can't look at without thinking of you. And there are still things that you bought me-- I thought about this a lot when I was making my coffee this morning. You bought me that Keurig several years ago as a surprise for no apparent reason. Just because I kept asking for months on months...

I don't have these moments of sweet, painful nostalgia often, but every now and again they pierce me right through the heart and it hits me. It hits me time and time again. We will most likely never have a relationship, of any kind, ever again.

I wonder if you ever experience and feel the same thing?

There are times that I question why you just walked away-- there was no reason; no closure. I tried to keep the relationship strong, but there is only so much someone can do. I go through phases of anger, but my heart is filled with mostly hurt. I thought of you as a mother figure since I was 7 years old, and I still do sometimes. There are times that I still refer to you as a step mother, and the question of how many siblings I have is something that I will never be able to answer without thinking about it more than once-- do I say 2 or do I say 4? 2. I say 2. The pain seers through me like a razor cuts through paper-- clean through and precise.

And when I really think about it-- it wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. It just was. It just is. Things happen and people leave. That's just what we do-- sometimes it is intentional and other times it just happens, slowly and quietly-- you are standing in the middle of a firm, strong, bridge one minute and the next thing you notice is that you are on opposite sides looking at the rubble and the remaining hot ashes wondering what happened. Wondering how we got to a place where we pretend that we don't know each other.

I'm sorry we drifted apart, but remember that I will always love you.

Let the Love flow. There is a revival here. And the need is now.

Hey friends.

So it has been a little while, but here are some things that have been going on in my life.

Before I jump into it, I just want to explain that I am of the charismatic Christian faith. I am all about laying hands on people to pray for them, hand raising during worship, altar calls, shaking because the Holy Spirit is just moving through you so much, tears, prophecies, and the Spirit moving through people in the gift of speaking in tongues (see 1 Corinthians for more about speaking in tongues and spiritual gifts). All of this is important to know before I jump in because without this background you may think I am crazy (you still might, but I am okay with being "crazy" if that means the Holy Spirit is working through and in me!!).

Now that we have established a starting ground let me tell you have God has been WRECKING MY HEART.

First, my church here. Mmmh, my church. Let's talk about Sunday. This past Sunday the Holy Spirit moved in me so much that I was shaking. I was shaking because I could just feel the Spirit moving through me so much that it overwhelmed my soul. The Spirit hit me in a way like never before. And let me just say this: I am SO READY for the Spirit to move through me so strongly on a regular basis. Holy Spirit come, work in my heart and guide my steps.

I also got to witness the Spirit moving through my pastor and using him to speak to the weary souls of some of my friends with me. I got to hear the Spirit speaking to the depths of their hearts and saying exactly what they needed in that moment. His banner over me is love-- His banner over you is love. <3

Second, can I just tell you about tonight? Tonight my college held an event called Carry the Love: The Need is Now (see more at carrythelove.com , or CRmovement.com ). And the need is DEFINITELY now! There was a point where they had the prayer team go around and pray over those who wanted some prayer. I had two ladies pray over me. The prayer was used to almost set the tone and soften me a little bit. But the second lady who prayed over me. Allison, the Holy Spirit was REALLY moving through her. God was really speaking through her. Jesus used her to wreck my heart. She hit so many things on the head that I am left speechless and wondering what all exactly happened. The Spirit used her to speak into some of the deepest wounds of my heart. And to encourage and pour into me. And to affirm me. The Spirit used her so much and so deeply. There is a lot that I am still processing from Carry the Love, but I can tell you this: I am going to go to their second event tomorrow night (Wednesday).

Friends, there is a revival happening. Can you feel it? Can't you feel the need now more than ever? The need for a love that is greater and deeper and wider than any other love that we have ever known. The need for a Savior who is with us-- who has always been with us. The need to run to a Father that loves you and is willing to hold you in His arms. There is a deep need right now. And there is a revival about to happen and I don't think that we are ready for it. There is a revival; a renewing; a healing.

For me that looks like a revival in my church and on my campus. A revival and healing in my life. I don't know what that looks like for you, but I encourage you to find what that revival/ what that healing looks like for you.

I am praying for you all! XOXOX

Women, respect each other.

Hi friends,
Thoughts. So many thoughts.

I have a lot of things going through my brain right now, but let's focus on one thing: how we talk to friends.

I hear so many people refer to their friend group as "my main b******." Or "those mofos."

And I just want to ask one question-- why?

Why would you refer to your friends with a derogatory term? And friends, why would you want to be refereed to as said term?

I find it incredibly degrading when I hear someone calling their best friend their "main hoe," or anything of the like. My best friends are people that I care about, people that I love and want to spend time with. People that I have built a friendship with. And that friendship is something that I value a lot. I would NEVER call them something that is known to be used in "cat fights" with those you dislike. My friends should never be called names that are synonymous with those whom I don't like (I don't normally refer to those I don't like with those terms let alone my best friends).

Why? Just why has this become a fad? And more importantly why did it stick?

Your friends are those who are there for you. Those who will wade into the deep for you. Those who run towards the fire while everyone else runs away. They are other human beings that crossed your path and stuck around for a little while. They are the ones that you offer your favorite food to. The ones who can call you at any time of the night. The ones who know that the only word that should be spoken to you in the morning is "coffee."

They are NOT your b*tches. They are NOT you hoes. They are NOT mofos.

All of those words are and should be offensive (I'm not lecturing you on not swearing, that is a whole different conversation in itself). I am saying that we need to respect our friends.

I hear mostly women say those things to other women. And let me ask you this-- when did it become okay to call each other that, when we have fought so hard so that men did not call us that? We are essentially reverting to when it was okay to call women those derogatory names. And why? Don't you know the definitions of those words? And if you do, are your friends that way? I didn't think so...

So my question to you is why?

Why are we calling our wonderful friends who are loved and cared about those names? And why do we accept being called those names?

Why?

Just offering you some food for thought.

Xoxox

As you lead me deeper still.

Hey friends!

I know it's been a little while, but I wanted to share!

Most of you who know me know that I just got done with a very challenging semester. This past semester was challenging for an array of reasons, but it wasn't a bad semester, just hard.

It was hard because God was taking me, chiseling away my rough edges-- He is still in the process of ripping out my heart and replacing it with a Jesus shaped heart. This process is not finished yet, but I am in the process. I am one step closer than I was a semester ago, a week ago, a day ago. I can say this now because I am not in the middle of the ripping and chiseling-- I unfortunately get caught up in the middle during this process and I can lose sight and forget my blessings (He is also working on this with me).

Last night we had a worship service and while I was sitting with my building team, we were speaking about what the Lord has been showing us and how He has been working in our lives. When we were about to enter into prayer together the music in the background changed to "Oceans" by Hillsong United. I have always loved the song and I have always deeply felt the pull to ask the Lord to lead me where my trust is without borders (I have mentioned this is a previous post, click here to view it).

And then it hit me.

When I had received the RA position I was excited and I prayed to let Him use me for His glory and to let the Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders in my RA journey (and really just in my life in general)-- and that is the EXACT place that I was in last semester. Last semester was definitely something that was out of my comfort zone in so many ways. I was in classes that were hard and there were some things that I couldn't plan for, couldn't expect, couldn't be ready with the best fit plan.

The Holy Spirit led me where my trust was without borders. Sometimes I was wading in the discomfort and other times I was treading water just trying to keep my head above water. And it was good. Not easy, but good. I was pushed. I was pulled. Shoved. I was in those places that left me on my knees and in prayer. I was deeper than I wanted to be. I wanted to go back to the shore at times. I didn't have any of my own strength left and I was tired.

But God showed up.

God showed up. He came beside me and let me rest on His shoulder when I started to drown. He let me find my rest in Him. He was ALWAYS there. He never left me. He never said, "Ehh, I think you can do this by yourself," or "Meh, I know I started this work in you, but I am bored now. See ya." No. He showed up. He stayed with me. Because the God who is with us on the mountain tops is the same God who is with us in the depths of the valley. He never leaves.

So last night when I was sitting in prayer it hit me. This semester I asked to be led where my trust was without borders and into the deep. And that is where I was. He led me into the deep. Where I couldn't even begin to think about the borders of my trust. It hurt. It wasn't pleasant. BUT, it was worth it.

The last Sunday that I was at home, we sang "Good Good Father" by Chris Tomlin (Listen here). I enjoyed the song. It spoke to my heart in deep places. There are so many good lyrics in the song-- one of my favorite verses is this: "You're a good good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I am loved by you. It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am."

I am back at school for the new semester (I start classes tomorrow). I went to my "college home" church today. And guess what we sang? Yup, you got it. "Good Good Father." This time around, a week later, the song is even better than what it was when I was at home. It spoke to me on an even deeper level. And that is because of what God revealed to me last night-- how I was led into deep waters where my feet could not wander and my trust is without borders. There is a line in "Good Good Father" that says, "As you lead me deeper still." That line repeats three or four times in a row.

And it clicked.

You lead me deeper still.

He is going to lead me deeper still. And He will continue to be there with me in the deep. He will continue to surround me with His LOVE and His JOY. He will continue to lead me deeper still and that not only means where my trust is without borders. It is not just physically. It is more than doing hard things and embracing vulnerability. He is going to lead me deeper still into His love. Into His grace. His Joy. His presence.

So, Lord, here is to the start of a new semester (and a new way of living), as you lead me deeper still.<3

Feeling joy in the midst of brokenness.

Hi friends!!

I know that it has been a long time, but this semester has been KICKING my butt! I felt like it would never end, but this is finals week. I am almost done!

AND I feel like I ended the semester REALLY well! I have finally found my "home church" here at college--- it took me 3 years, BUT I FOUND IT. And it was worth the wait.

This church has been an answer to so many of my prayers-- and the Pastors are fantastic. They are husband and wife and I think they are some of the most welcoming people that I have ever met. They just make you feel welcome and loved as soon as you step through the door, and I loved that. And really, the whole entire congregation is this way.

I have been there 3 times so far, but I already feel like I have been there for months. It has been something that has been very encouraging to me!! It has reignited my fire for God-- I feel like I am burning the strongest I have been for a long time.

And the best part? I am feeling joy. I can't tell you the last time that I have felt joy, or if I have ever felt joy before. But I can feel the joy now and there have been countless times over the past few weeks that I can't help but to smile. Not only for myself, but for other as well. I have caught myself smiling from ear to ear when I overhear parts of conversations or watch someone do something that makes me smile.

I know that this is different than just being happy. Than just going through the period when I am happy because things seem to be "lining up" for me. I know this because in reality, I don't think that things are lined up for me right now at all--- my fridge broke, my car had a cylinder misfire, and I have finals this week among other things, but I am happy. Joyful.

My car is broken, my fridge needs to be thrown in the dumpster, I have been overwhelmed with a lot of things happening, and I am not sure that I can physically get all of this work done this week, but guess what? I feel like my cup is overflowing with blessings.

Yeah, my car broke, but it will still get me home for break, and I have had many people at my new church offer to help me in any way that they can and made me feel so loved and so blessed. Praise Jesus.

Sure, my fridge broke, but my Keurig still works and I still have coffee, and in the big scheme of things-- I can just get a new one. Praise Jesus.

I am absolutely feeling overwhelmed, but I am being pruned and prepared and polished to do what He has called me to do. Praise Jesus.

Finals are in full swing (and have been since last week), but I have been shown so much grace from my professors and I will manage to get it all done. Praise Jesus.

I am not entirely excited to go home to family for various reasons, but I have a warm place to sleep and food to eat. Praise Jesus.

It is December and there is normally snow on the ground and I hate winter, but the weather has been in the 60's this week. Praise Jesus.

It has been a really long, rough, and dry season in my life (several years long), but I finally feel like something is being lifted. And that the winds are finally changing. Finally.

My cup runneth over.

Sending love and JOY your way my dear, dear friends.

XOXOX
Sadie

An open letter to the children of divorce.

Hi love,

First I want to say that I am sorry that you have had to live through a divorce, whether you were 5, 25, or 65, it still hurts.

I am sorry that you had to watch the two people that created you fall out of love or finally admit they were never in love. I am sorry that you have had to go through that. Because no matter how old you are it is going to shake your whole entire world.

Divorce affects us all in different ways, but it affects us none the less. You may have been through a sticky and very very painful divorce where you were more of a game piece than you were a child, or it may have been an easy transition. You may have spent years after wishing for your mom and dad to become a unit again, or you may be thankful that you don't have to hear the fighting again.

If you were younger you may have been spared watching your family fall to pieces, or spared the never ending fights, but you lack any solid memory of being a whole family. Or you may not feel anything, and you may be missing something that you are not even sure what you are missing. If you were older maybe you remember the fights. All of the arguments. Or maybe you were caught completely off guard because you never heard the fights.

But you are affected in some way, shape, or form.

If your parents remarried after the divorce and had children with their new partner there is probably a larger gap between you and your half siblings. And no matter how well you feel like you fit in with them there is always something that doesn't feel right. They will always have Aunts and Grandparents that are not yours and likewise with your other side of the family. Maybe your parents are still civil and can have a conversation, or maybe they can't talk to this day, over 10 years later.

You may see how the divorce has affected you. You may see your need to always walk away from the situations that you feel are getting too vulnerable. You may see the different ways that you are afraid. Of commitments. Of trusting. Of staying in one place.

Maybe your childhood was so painful that there are a lot of things that you can't remember or maybe you remember every painful detail of your past.

You may be the only child between your mom and dad, or you may have several siblings who walked through that pain with you, either way, you'll feel lonely to some extent. And no matter how socially acceptable it is to be divorced now, the pain will never go away. At least not for you. Because you miss your parents. You miss calling them your parents instead of saying mom or dad.

Or you're tossing around the idea of who is going to walk you down the aisle because your dad and stepdad have shaped you so much growing up; or maybe it is who in your family is going to get your graduation tickets. Maybe you don't talk to one of your parental figures. Or you know the deep pain of losing one of your parents.

Either way, I am sorry. I am sorry that I have found you here, reading my blog, because if you are reading this, we share one of the same wounds. Words cannot express how much I want to be there for you in this. I want you to know that although it can feel like it sometimes, that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I am with you. All of us are with you. In some way, not physically, but we can understand to some extent.

So, you, my friend, know that you are not alone and that what you have been through is hard and painful and something that affects you in some way or another. You are more than just a statistic and your story matters. And please, please know that it is not your fault. Imagine me sitting next to you while we talk about what you have gone through or are going through. I am sending my love your way. Xoxox

You are not special. And here's why that is a beautiful thing.

Yesterday I told someone they were not special. And I waited as all the people around me opened their mouths in shock and shot me their judgmental glances.

I’ll say it again, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.

I say this not to put you down. I say this because it is the cold hard truth. You are not special and neither am I. Society has taken each child, sugared them up, and cushioned their fall— telling them that they are special and extraordinary and the best child in the world. This is seeing a child getting a participation ribbon because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Doing this ultimately sets a child up to fail. Life is NOT for sissies. It is going to be cruel to you and you are going to cry. You are going to have times when you want to give up and quit. And there is NO WAY to prevent or stop it.

You are not special. You are going to get hurt and you are going to fail. But guess what? That’s okay.

Did you hear me? That’s okay.

In this society of telling people that they are special and padding their falls, we forget that it is okay to be ordinary, and to fall.

You are ordinary. And ordinary people are the kind of people I want to surround myself with. Ordinary people are the ones that are behind the scenes. The people that are making things happen. These kind of people are the ones who know that life sucks, but it doesn’t stop just because you are hurt. They are the people who find something that gives them hope because they know that there is something more than participation ribbons. They know that they have to work for what they want and that what they want will not be handed to them.

Ordinary people focus on the nitty gritty tasks in life. They do the jobs that aren’t flashy. They are the teachers who love their students and stay after school to help a student who is struggling in their class. They are the counselors who are so spread thin that they feel they can’t help themselves let alone another person, but they keep coming back. They are the father who works late and misses dinner with his kids to provide food for them. They are the single mothers who have to put their children in child care so she can work meanwhile the other mothers judge her for not spending more time with her children. They are the college students who work while they take classes because they aren’t handed everything. They are the survivors— the ones who have been through the hard things and keep fighting. These are the ordinary people.

Society needs ordinary people. The Kingdom of God needs ordinary people. We need ordinary people.

So, no, you are not special. You are ordinary. And that is one of the most beautiful and needed callings to have. You are needed. You are loved. And you are enough. But my goodness, you are not special. You are ordinary. And that is a beautiful thing.

God's love, the reason, and Lacey Sturm.

Hi loves,

It has been a little while, but I have been busy, and doing a lot of self-reflecting as of late.

Yesterday we had a guest speaker in our chapel service at my college. Lacey Sturm came to share her testimony. If you don't know who Lacey Sturm is, she is the previous lead singer of the hard rock band Flyleaf, and if you don't know her story, look it up.

Go ahead, look up her testimony. I want you to hear it and I will still be here waiting after you finish it.

Now that you took time to hear her story, let's talk about that.

Lacey came to my school and shared what she had gone through and she let us all lean into the discomfort and the pain, not necessarily her pain and discomfort, but the pain and discomfort that we were feeling in that moment while we remembered the hard times of our lives. While we found a place of understanding and common ground of where she was coming from. Waiting for us not to only hurt for her, but also to hurt for ourselves. That doesn't mean that we had to have gone through the same experiences as she had, in fact, we didn't. But it means that we recognize her pain in her depression, her anxiety, hatred for people, her suicidal thoughts, the feeling of meeting God in her darkest moments, and can find those points in our lives. It is letting our minds wander to those darkest places and feeling that pain.

Lacey does a beautiful job of sharing her story in it's rawest form-- she is honest about what she has gone through and the discomfort that she felt. She doesn't try to sugarcoat it and she doesn't try to make it pretty.

She is honest. She is authentic. And she pours into everyone in the audience. She speaks truth, and she shares love.

Lacey shares what her story is and the pain that she felt, but she also shares the story of how God was moving and working in her life. She shares the hope that she felt, and she also reminds us that just because she became a Christian, her life wasn't fixed.

Lacey also performed a free acoustic concert later that night. This is where I bought her book, and then listened to her and her husband perform several wonderful songs. Some familiar, and some new. It was beautiful to hear her share the back stories behind the songs, and why she wrote or loved them. And it was even more beautiful to see her worshiping the Lord.

At one point, she shared a song called "The Mystery" which is about an interaction she watched between her manager and his daughter and she wondered what that is like, because her father was not part of her life. I snapped a picture of her raising her hand in praise where her tattoo that reads, "Daughter" is visible.

This is the picture I took.Her tattoo is faded, but if 

you look close enough you can see it.

I love this picture so much because while she is singing about the mystery of what it means to have an Earthy father and the pain that comes with that, she is praising the Lord. She is praising her Heavenly Father. And it just beautifully depicts that she has found her identity in Christ, and being His daughter.

After the concert, Lacey opened it up for a Q&A with the audience and then there was a book signing and she wouldn't leave until she saw and talked to everyone in line.

Lacey's story and how she has found redemption and love from that has inspired me so much. God has used her to touch a deep place in my heart. Her testimony was so encouraging for me to hear, and I know for a fact that others were affected by it as well.

I have faith that, I know that, God used her. He used her testimony. He used her heart to touch the lives of us here at Geneva. He used her to wreck our hearts. Not all of us, but several of us. God used her and her story and her hope and her burning love for Christ to wreck my heart. 

I am beyond thankful that she came to Geneva and shared, and poured into each and every one of us. And I cannot wait to get to start her book, The Reason. And I am thrilled for her new album to come out. 

Lacey, it is doubtful that you will ever see this, but if you happen to, know that you have touched my life and I want to thank you for that. Thanks so much, Sadie.

Light is stronger (Trek 2015)

Welcome loves!

I know that it has been a while! The end of my summer picked up rather quickly with two trips to the beach and a trip to New York City. And then I was due to be back at college for RA (resident assistant) training!

As an RA, part of our training is a four day backpacking trip called Trek. Trek was a new experience for me. For those of you that personally know me are well aware that I am not the "outdoorsy" type. I had never been backpacking in my life until I was on Trek. I wish that I could tell you that I had found a brand new hobby that I was going to participate in more often, but in all honesty, I didn't. There were times that I hated being on Trek. It was hard. And it challenged me in a lot of ways. I was very tired throughout the majority of the trip and was ready to come home the first night. But I am glad that I didn't. As uncomfortable as it was for me-- God used it as a start to change my life.

The second day of Trek we went caving. The hike to the cave was probably the roughest day that we did. It was about an hour of a complete incline. I was sweaty and gross and had to stop a few times because I was dehydrated due to not drinking enough water in the morning. I will admit that when I needed to take a break I was beginning to feel like I was more of hindrance to the team rather than an asset. I was overwhelmed and tired and close to tears. But the people I was with were really reflecting God's grace. They were all very patient and kind. One of the ladies who was a leader was very kind to me. She sat with me and talked to me; she did not rush me and make me feel like I was a hindrance. She was just present with me.

When we made it to the cave I was feeling nervous-- not sure if I was claustrophobic or if I was going to have a panic attack in the middle of the cave. I was not exactly looking forward to this experience, but it turns out that it was one of my favorite parts of our trip! Our guides names were Paul and Matt.

As we started in to the cave it was difficult to maneuver your body into some of the spaces, but it was do-able, and the majority of the cave was tall enough that you could stand straight up. We reached a big room of the cave where Paul had us stop and sit down. He had some serious analogies for light and darkness. He had all of us turn off our flashlights and just sit in the darkness (and you think you know what dark is, you don't. Not until you are sitting in a cave that is 200 feet under ground!). He was talking to us about how darkness will flee at any sight of light-- bringing it back to how Christ is our light in the dark places of our lives. We turned our lights back on and continued to walk through the cave, when we reached our stopping point, Matt came around and collected all of our flashlights while Paul starts to tell us that they are going to go hide somewhere in the cave and we have to come find them-- using only our bodies and team; we had to be touching the person in front of us at all times.

My group was so focused on listening to the person in front of them and making sure the person behind them was okay, that we were just making our main goal to be light. We expected Matt and Paul to be sitting somewhere with a light on so that we could see them.  We ended up actually passing them because they did not have a light on-- and we had the mindset of "if it takes to making it to the exit, than that is what it takes. We were so focused that we didn't hear their voices (we were a group of females, so a male voice should have stood out to us) or their whistles in attempt to get our attention. It wasn't until someone accidentally bumped into them that we knew we had passed them, in which case we had to turn around and walk back to them. They lit two candles.

You don't realize how much light two candles give off until after about 20 minutes of complete and total darkness. That's when the light and dark analogy really hit home for me and changed my life. I was almost in tears when Paul was expanding on light and darkness. That ANY amount of light will make the darkness run and flee. I don't know about you, but there have been times in my life that I felt as if I was surrounded by complete darkness and was 200 feet under ground and like there was no way out. As if I was throwing my body in every direction just to see if the ground I was going to stand on was solid and actually there, and while doing this acquired more bruises than necessary. But there is ALWAYS a way out. Christ is our way out. His light is always enough for us, even if as only appearing as a single flame from a candle. The darkness will flee with even the smallest glimmer of light-- the smallest glimmer of hope.

Later when we made our way back to camp to eat lunch before moving campsites. While we were all sitting around eating lunch, when a lady from another group (the same one who sat with me during breaks on the way to the cave) came down to ask our wilderness guides a question. When she left everyone was engaged in a conversation except for me-- so when she said goodbye I was the only one to hear her. I acknowledged her goodbye and smiled. She persisted to tell me that she was really glad she got to know me a little bit and hoped to continue to do so back on campus. And then she chose to speak out and say what was laid on her heart by God. She acknowledged my relational strengths and told me I had a beautiful personality; that I was going to be a good RA because of that. I thanked her and smiled as she departed from our campsite. She had brought me close to tears. I really needed to hear her words. I was feeling as if my gifts were invaluable because I didn't feel like there was a lot of room for me to use them on Trek. Almost all of my teammates loved the woods. The woods were their element, which as you can imagine made me feel a little out of place. I started to tell myself that I would be a bad RA because I wasn't good at backpacking and doing the wilderness thing, which is COMPLETELY irrational if you think about it. My lack of wilderness skills has NOTHING to do with my ability to be an RA, but comparison is the thief of joy (Theodore Roosevelt). I am happy to say that this wonder woman of God really spoke to me. She confirmed the work that I felt Christ doing in me. I am starting to realize that my strengths are just as valuable as the next person's and that I was created as I am in His image.

The rest of Trek was good, but also tiring. We had a day where we had a Solo time-- which is six hours alone. This is a time for you to reflect, pray, read your Bible, worship, spend time with God, or just think in general. This was one of my favorite parts of Trek. Being around my staff all of the time was definitely tiring out my introvert really quickly. And while this time was sort of eventful with the critter of the woods (daddy long leggers, beetles, and some other sounds from critters that I couldn't quite see), it was good. I needed time to wind down and regain some energy and I needed the time to process and reflect on everything that had happened so far on our trip.

The last day of Trek we ate breakfast, packed up and were heading back to the place we were meeting the rest of Res Life and the bus that was bringing us back to campus. I was kind of expecting an easy hike back with the team either on the road or on a path. Little did I know what was coming-- we were given a compass and split into groups of three to find our own way back-- not using the path or the road. I was not thrilled for this. I was actually just ready to be back on the bus heading home. But my group was great. I was with two other ladies that I love, and they kept me entertained and motivated (with some Disney songs and encouragement!). (:

When we were on our way back to campus, I don't think I have been too much happier to be heading to a place with running water, toilets, and pillows! But, I am glad that I was able to have the experience of bonding with my staff and brother staff. Those relationships are definitely worth the four days of not showering, squatting in the woods, lack of pillows, and a lot of critters running around at night! I wouldn't trade these relationships for anything.

As I am sitting here thinking about the fact that the freshmen are moving in tomorrow, I am feeling very excited, and a little bit anxious. I cannot wait to see what Lord is going to do this year and how He is going to use me to speak into these girls and my staff, and how He is going to use them in my life!

I will post again soon! Xoxox

Not just as Christians, but as a nation: We need to speak love.

"Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body," Proverbs 16:24

 

 

 

I think it is time to really think about this. Not just as Christians, but as a nation. There is a lot of hype about the fact that same sex couples are now allowed to get married in any state and how Christians are the judgmental ones in this world.

 

Christians, I just want to put some food for thought out there: you are a Christian, you live according to the Word of God, and try your best to follow those beliefs in obedience. It is important to remember that although homosexuality is classified as a sin in the Bible and we are called to speak Truth, that we are also called to speak Love.

 

It is important that we love someone before we "correct their lifestyle." When we love someone it means to put both of our differences aside and to see them as a person who was created by God and for God that has gotten lost on the way. We all have some things in our past (and present), and that is because every single one of us is broken. Sin is evil and Satan will use anything he can get his hands on to get a hold on our lives. That can be lying, an affair, murder, attraction to the same sex, shame, fear, and judging others as we see fit (just to name a few). We need Jesus just as much, and if not more, than those who are not living the "Christian lifestyle," and quite honestly it is no our job to judge others, we need not to stick our noses in someone else's personal life-- that is between them and God. You do not need to be in the middle.

 

We are also called to speak Truth. But, how can we speak Truth when we neglect to speak out of Love? It is important to remember that we need to earn the right to speak into someone else's life. You cannot just go around pointing out other people's flaws and brokenness; you have to build a SAFE relationship before you can even begin to think about speaking into their lives.

 

Non-Christians (and also Christians), you may feel jaded and hurt by some comments said by a "so-called-Christian," and I am very sorry that you have been hurt in such a deep way. You have every right to feel that pain and to process it; know that we are not perfect either, and we will make mistakes and run our mouths before we examine our hearts. We are people, just like you are.

 

I am sad to see "Christians" react in such an outspoken and judgmental way. That is not what the Bible says we are to be like, and we also have gotten life this way. We are also broken and sinners.

 

But it is important to remember that we are hardwired for connection.

 

We must remember that we are built for connection. We are built for compassion. And when we live in shame, or shaming others that we are setting ourselves up for disconnection.  (for more information on this, check out Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly) We need to speak love.

 

Love is standing bedside someone and being with them through that hard things, and practicing empathy when it is easier to practice yelling at another. It is being beside someone, despite your differences and lending a helping hand, or encouraging word when they need it. It is humbling yourself to see the brokenness in another person (or group) and holding your tongue from insults and judgment.

 

Regardless of what you believe, what gender you are, what your political party you are a part of, what your sexual orientation is, or any other defining factor you are human. We need to feel connected to other people, and we need to feel loved.

 

Summer: tanlines?

Hi friends!

If you know me in the slightest, or can see my picture you know that I have very fair/ pale skin-- I am Irish and German-- which means that I burn. A lot. And I hardly get anything to show for it.

I am going to the beach in July, and my mom (who is not that fair) told me to get a base tan before we go. She was just trying to help me so that I did not burn as bad, and in her mind, this would help. But really it doesn't.

I got burnt 4 times in May alone this year-- none of those burns were "good tan lines," or intentional. I realized that although I have gotten burnt and I did not peal, I was still not getting "tan," I got some color, but to anyone else I just looked too pale.

I swear I am tan. Really I am. (this was taken this year, 2015)

If any of you are fair-skinned you know what sunburn feels like. 15 minutes can make you as red as an apple, and you basically have two different states-- lobster or ghost. And you are most likely used to the pain of sunburn by this time in your life.

I used to lay out with no protection to try and get a tan, but I only burned. I would then hold out and hope that my burn would turn into a tan. And out of the 20 years I have been alive, there was only one summer where I was really tan.

This is my only "real tan" from 2010.

 

 

Now compare it to the picture taken this year (see above). There is a BIG difference. And sure, I like the 2010 picture better, and I wish my complexion could be that dark all the time, or at least every summer, but it has happened once, and I am sure that it will never happen again. Like I said, I am Irish and German.

 

 

We all know that the sun is bad for our skin and can lead to skin cancer. It is proven-- in many, many, many studies. But even so, when summer rolls around, society tells us that we should be tan. And that pale is bad. If you are too pale you just do not fit in. Everyone comments on that, "Wow, you are SO pale!" or "Hah! I am tanner than you. I am never tanner than anyone!" or "You are so pale! Why don't you lay out for a while, or go to a tanning bed? It will definitely help!"

 

This summer I have really been thinking, I put sunblock on all of my tattoos so the ink won't fade-- if the sun can fade the color of tattoos, what is it REALLY doing to my skin? What is so bad about pale? So bad about not getting skin cancer? Not having aging spots when I am 20? What is so bad about that?

 

Sure, I don't "fit in" with society, and the pale comments will never really end, but I have come to peace with my paleness. I have fair skin. I will not tan. I will burn. Either way, I am damaging my skin. I am pale. And if nothing else, I will not damage my skin as much, and on the bright side (literally), my legs almost glow in the dark, so in the summer cars will see them before they hit me. They practically glow in the dark! (: