"Can I offer you some advice?" Something that we can often find ourselves thinking when we see a stranger struggling or have a friend that is 10 feet under because they refuse to stand on their own two feet. It has been something that we as humans have struggled with for as long as we can remember. I know that I have thought it myself, and I also know others have thought it about me and my life.
It wasn't until this past semester of college that I got it. I was sitting in my 11:15 Human Diversity class taking notes when my professor spoke a few words of her wisdom. She looked at all of us and told us that with any person we have to earn the right to speak into their lives. She explained that she had to earn it with each of her clients in the past (she was a counselor and parole officer before she stood in front of us) and that she has to earn it with each of her students now.
This hit home for me on several levels. It hit home on the level that we do not have the right to just be spitting out advice as we see it is fit, and that we should not be offended when someone doesn't want our advice. Think about it: who are you more likely to take advice from? Your best friend who you know you could call in any emergency and they would be by your side as soon as possible, or from the stranger behind the register at your nearest convenience store? I am almost positive that each of you answered your best friend, and that is not to say that the cashier cannot offer logical and relevant and good advice, but only that your best friend has earned the right to speak into your life and the cashier has not.
Because we have to earn the right to speak into a person's life we cannot go into a new relationship (any relationship) with the mindset that we can judge their actions or tell them what to do. We have to earn that privilege, and we do that by earning their trust and always showing love no matter what. By showing love no matter what we have to be willing to be there in the hard times and we cannot only love them when it works for us. Showing love means not judging a person on the actions they make or how they deal with the pain. It means standing beside them no matter what and being there through the hard times (author's note: standing beside someone is not the same as standing behind them. Standing beside indicates that you are not going to leave them just because they make bad decisions. It does not mean that you advocate or agree with their choices. Standing behind usually indicates that you support their choices and encourage them).
Showing love means reaching out to strangers by just being that ray of light in their dark day. An example I have of this is from when I worked at a convenience store. We had a lady come in after getting gas, she was limping and looked like she had been crying. She came in on the verge of tears and asked to use our phone because her dogs stepped on the lock when she was pumping gas and locked her out. My co-worker handed her our phone while I waited on another customer. This woman laid the phone on the counter and limped back out to the pumps and leaned against her car. From where my register was I could see her and my heart hurt for her. We had a break in customers, so I walked out and told her that she didn't have to wait outside and invited her to come sit at the small table inside. She gladly accepted. When she sat down she was holding back tears and set her leg gently down. She told me that she was having a bad day-- her boyfriend just broke up with her, she sprained her ankle and now this happened. I couldn't do very much for her on an emotional level, but I offered her some ibuprofen and my extra water I had brought from home. She thanked me and I went on to continue working. Sometime later when I was organizing the counters, the locksmith came to unlock her car. I backed up to let a customer get to the register and this woman wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me again before I even knew what happened. To this day, I still do not know her name, but I will never forget how thankful she was; I will never forget this day. That is showing love when you do not have the right to speak into someones life. And I am almost sure that she will remember how I made her feel whenever she thinks of that day. Knowing that I made her day just a little bit brighter lets me know how showing love at all times is most important.
Well friends, I will talk to you next week! Remember not to be offended when someone ignores your advice. You may not have the right to speak into their life yet, and even if you do, remember that you cannot live their life for them; we all have to make our own choices and our own mistakes to learn the best way for ourselves as individuals. And remember that no matter what to always, always, ALWAYS show love to everyone you encounter!
Sending much love for the rest of this week!!
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