Accepting someone else's "no."

Hello friends! I know that this week's post is a little early, but I am leaving today to work at a summer camp where I will not have cell phone service or much internet! (Don't worry, I will be able to write on Saturday's for the rest of the summer!)

I read something in a book around this time last year; I read that when you want something from someone to just ask for it. If they say "yes," and they didn't really want to, then they need to learn how to say no. And if they say "no" to not be offended, and to ask someone else if you really want it. When I first read this I was a little taken aback by it and thought to myself, "But I hate asking for things! And when someone asks me for something I feel compelled to give it to them whether I want to or not." Am I the only one who thought that? 

Well, I have grown a lot since this time last year, and I am a different person now than I was then. This is something that took a long time for me to learn, but I finally got the depth of it in these last few weeks. I have learned that if I want something (a hug, ride, advice, their time, etc.) that I can just ask; if the person I am asking doesn't want to give me what I asked for then they will say no and that IS okay. I've learned not to take "no" so personally anymore. Just because someone says no doesn't mean that they don't want to spend time with you or that they don't want to help you. It simply means that they cannot say "yes" at the time you asked. Think about when you've said no to someone, 9 times out of 10, I can guess that it is because you had something else and just couldn't help at that time, yes?

But before you are going to be able to be at peace with someone else's no you are going to have to believe that you are the only person who is responsible for making you happy. No one else is responsible for your happiness, just like you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness. Once you learn this you will be living with less stress (which we all need!)!!

By learning that you are the only person who can make you happy, you are relieving yourself of the duty of making others happy, and them of you. This isn't the easiest thing to learn and accept; it can be tedious and hard at first. But we must remember that even babies are capable of making themselves happy, so it is, in fact, possible for a grown adult to do so.

Let me clarify something, letting someone else make themselves happy is not neglecting them of their obvious needs. An example of letting someone find their own happiness would be not picking your baby up every single time he/ she cries. We have all seen the toddlers whose parents picked them up every time they made a noise. In this situation we could give the baby a toy to play with to make themselves content. (This is not neglecting the baby of food or care or nurture).

When you are able to accept and make peace with the fact that you are only in charge of your happiness you will have an easier time accepting someone's "no." I wish you the best! And I will be praying for all of you!

Well, I am heading off to church very soon and I will talk to you next week! Take care!!

Can I speak into your life?

"Can I offer you some advice?" Something that we can often find ourselves thinking when we see a stranger struggling or have a friend that is 10 feet under because they refuse to stand on their own two feet. It has been something that we as humans have struggled with for as long as we can remember. I know that I have thought it myself, and I also know others have thought it about me and my life.

It wasn't until this past semester of college that I got it. I was sitting in my 11:15 Human Diversity class taking notes when my professor spoke a few words of her wisdom. She looked at all of us and told us that with any person we have to earn the right to speak into their lives. She explained that she had to earn it with each of her clients in the past (she was a counselor and parole officer before she stood in front of us) and that she has to earn it with each of her students now.

This hit home for me on several levels. It hit home on the level that we do not have the right to just be spitting out advice as we see it is fit, and that we should not be offended when someone doesn't want our advice. Think about it: who are you more likely to take advice from? Your best friend who you know you could call in any emergency and they would be by your side as soon as possible, or from the stranger behind the register at your nearest convenience store? I am almost positive that each of you answered your best friend, and that is not to say that the cashier cannot offer logical and relevant and good advice, but only that your best friend has earned the right to speak into your life and the cashier has not.

Because we have to earn the right to speak into a person's life we cannot go into a new relationship (any relationship) with the mindset that we can judge their actions or tell them what to do. We have to earn that privilege, and we do that by earning their trust and always showing love no matter what. By showing love no matter what we have to be willing to be there in the hard times and we cannot only love them when it works for us. Showing love means not judging a person on the actions they make or how they deal with the pain. It means standing beside them no matter what and being there through the hard times (author's note: standing beside someone is not the same as standing behind them. Standing beside indicates that you are not going to leave them just because they make bad decisions. It does not mean that you advocate or agree with their choices. Standing behind usually indicates that you support their choices and encourage them). 

Showing love means reaching out to strangers by just being that ray of light in their dark day. An example I have of this is from when I worked at a convenience store. We had a lady come in after getting gas, she was limping and looked like she had been crying. She came in on the verge of tears and asked to use our phone because her dogs stepped on the lock when she was pumping gas and locked her out. My co-worker handed her our phone while I waited on another customer. This woman laid the phone on the counter and limped back out to the pumps and leaned against her car. From where my register was I could see her and my heart hurt for her. We had a break in customers, so I walked out and told her that she didn't have to wait outside and invited her to come sit at the small table inside. She gladly accepted. When she sat down she was holding back tears and set her leg gently down. She told me that she was having a bad day-- her boyfriend just broke up with her, she sprained her ankle and now this happened. I couldn't do very much for her on an emotional level, but I offered her some ibuprofen and my extra water I had brought from home. She thanked me and I went on to continue working. Sometime later when I was organizing the counters, the locksmith came to unlock her car. I backed up to let a customer get to the register and this woman wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me again before I even knew what happened. To this day, I still do not know her name, but I will never forget how thankful she was; I will never forget this day. That is showing love when you do not have the right to speak into someones life. And I am almost sure that she will remember how I made her feel whenever she thinks of that day. Knowing that I made her day just a little bit brighter lets me know how showing love at all times is most important.

Well friends, I will talk to you next week! Remember not to be offended when someone ignores your advice. You may not have the right to speak into their life yet, and even if you do, remember that you cannot live their life for them; we all have to make our own choices and our own mistakes to learn the best way for ourselves as individuals. And remember that no matter what to always, always, ALWAYS show love to everyone you encounter!

Sending much love for the rest of this week!! 

Without change there would be no butterflies.

Hello friends! So there have been a lot of changes happening on my end of the computer, and I can guess that there has been just as many, if not more, on your end as well.

And I am not one that despises change. I grew up in constant change. I have gotten used to change. I am okay with change and I can adapt just fine. But lately, I have been growing weary of change. And weary of no change.

Have you ever experienced a season of your life that seems like there is constant change, but at the same time no change at all? If you have then you know exactly what I am talking about. And if you haven't, try to imagine that it is winter and there is snow covering the ground and ice on the pools and rivers, but it is 95 degrees outside and you are sweating (and the snow and ice are not cold like the normally would be). You want to walk outside and feel the sunshine on your skin and you want to feel that still cold splash of water that hits your face as you first jump into the pool, but no matter how hot it gets the snow and ice won't melt. You can only imagine how quickly you would get tired of trying. 

Yes that may defy all the rules and sound like I am crazy, but that is the best way I can explain this feeling to you. The feeling of so many things changing on a daily basis, but the underlying foundation stays the same.

And here is the place that I wish I could write my great revelation, or solution on how to get past this point of your life, but the only thing that I can come up with is that you have to keep on keeping on; that you have to keep adapting and overcoming. And that you have to remember that you cannot control the actions of another person, or how they treat you, but that you can change how you reply. You can reply in two ways: react or respond. When you react you loose control of your words and your actions, but when you respond you are able to control your words and your actions.

So my friends, hang in there and keep on keeping on! I will be praying for all of you! 

And just a song to lift up your spirits!:

TABOO: What you should NEVER ask any woman! EVER!

Okay friends, so I have to be real with all of you and that means sharing some things I wish I could forget forever.

Women, what is the worst question someone can ask you besides your weight?

“Oh, you’re pregnant!?! When are you due?” When you are in fact are NOT expecting.

To all the ladies that have been asked this question, I am sorry for bringing up the memories. I know what it feels like to be asked this dreaded question. More than once. And to the ladies that haven’t experienced this, I am glad that you have never been asked this, but please don’t judge the ones who have.

And men, what possesses you to ask such questions? And I apologize to any of the men reading this that wouldn’t even think to ask such a question! You are smart men. Very smart.

When I was first asked this question it was by an older man, who was married and had kids, he came up to me and just asked bluntly, “You’re not pregnant, are you?!” I answered with a quiet no and escaped to the bathroom to take a deep breath and try to figure out what happened. After I returned, this man couldn’t just leave me alone, and had to come find me to apologize, but his apology only made things worse. I still don’t even know his name, and I hope to never see his face again. I got asked the question again when I was working at a convenience store. This one came about because my sister was pregnant at the time, and she also worked at the store. This customer wasn’t a regular, but I recognized his face from seeing him from time to time. He was standing around talking with some regulars about when my sister was due. And he asked me for the exact date knowing she was my sister. I gave him a date and a short while later, he was in my line and I cashed him out. He then said, “I thought only your sister was pregnant?” I ignored him and told him his total. While he was looking through his wallet he asked me when I was due; I stared at him blankly and told him that I wasn’t. He apologized, but I wanted nothing more than for him to be gone. So I quickly handed him his change and asked if I could help the next customer. (Take a deep breath ladies. Your story that may be similar to mine, or completely different, does NOT define you. You are beautiful.)

After each of these cases I had to hold back the tears, and they sent me into a “slump” for the next couple of days. I wasn’t happy with the way I look, and I’m still not thrilled. But I am learning to love me for what I look like right now, and that my worth is not based solely on a few comments, how I look, or a few numbers on a scale.

I don’t tell these stories to ask for sympathy, and PLEASE do not leave any nasty comments below. I tell these stories to let the other ladies know that they are not alone. To tell you that you are BEAUTIFUL. Exactly how you are. Right now. You are not a comment someone has said, and your beauty is beyond compare. I want you to know that you have a purpose that is not defined by a few numbers. You are worth so much more than you could ever know. I want you to know that I love you and that the Heavenly Father loves you. Just the way you are. So go ahead, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful. Right now-- how you are. Tell yourself that you do not need to change to be beautiful!

To the men (or women) that have ever asked this question to someone they did not know was pregnant for sure… oy vey. You should never ever ever EVER ask a woman when she is due if you have not been invited to a baby shower, or until the baby is in her hands. Please think about what you are about to say before you say it, and think about how your words will affect the recipient.

Because not everyone is a size two or four; other women struggle with their weight for a varied number of reasons from stress to hormonal imbalance.

Hang in there ladies! You are amazing and loved and beautiful and you are NOT alone!<3

And please check out the video below:

Happy... Friday?

It seems like in the world of today that everyone is talking about their favorite day… FRIDAY! Constantly you hear things like, “I cannot wait until Friday,” or “Is it Friday yet?” or “Thank God it’s Friday!”

Everyone’s favorite day is Friday because it is the start of most people’s weekends; the start of the time that most people don’t have to work. For some it is the night that they get to go out and have a drink or a few, or for others it is the night that they get to keep the kids up a little bit later just to have the little head resting on their chest while the television glows gently in the background with some Disney movie that you’ve see a million times, but would watch a million more times if it means that you get to spend time with your little one. Friday is the favorite day because most people can go to bed knowing that they don’t have to set an alarm the next day even if they will wake up with their internal alarm clock.

But what if I told you that Friday is not my favorite day of the week. What if I told you that the day I cannot wait for every week is none other than Sunday! The day most people who love Friday dread.

I love Sunday’s because I know that I get to go to church! Which is by far my favorite time because I get to spend uninterrupted time with my King!! And yes, I can have quality time with Jesus any time I want to have it, but when I am at church I am surrounded by people who want the same thing as I do— time to spend with the one and only Perfect King! I get to forget about the world and sing songs of praise to my Father! Because no matter what is happening outside of the church, I do not have to think about it! I get to take the time and just spend it with Jesus! And I don’t know about you, but that is my favorite thing to do! It is the one thing that I love more than anything! Because regardless of how I feel that day or how low my spirits may be, or how disappointed I am in myself, Jesus still loves me and is never disappointed in me! And He wants to spend time with me. He doesn’t need me, but He WANTS and LOVES me, AND all of my baggage and brokenness!!

And so as each new week approaches I cannot wait for it to be Sunday again so that I get to spend quality time with my Maker, with the only one who can love me unconditionally.

And so my friends, happy Friday! But I cannot wait for Sunday!