TOGETHER not BESIDE.

Hi friends,
Sometimes I just have to take a step back and wonder what has happened to this world. Things have changed, and not in a good way. (If you go to the same college as me, hang in there-- this is going to sound a lot like a humanities course-- but you will be able to understand it! And there is a valid point behind it all; as much as I hate humanities like the rest of you, there is some truth behind those readings that leave me more confused than if I wouldn't have read it at all).

What happened to society? Was it Nokia that started it all? Or was it manageable until Apple made their pretty little heads known?

We have went from spending time with others to making it a point to ignore others. We hide behind our computer screens or our smart phones-- constantly connected, but never in relationship.

When did we get to this point? How did we get to this point?

I'm not saying that I am different from the majority-- I mean even now I am sitting in a room with other people, laptop open, both headphones in, and Spotify playing. I am not immune to this fad of autonomy and individualism, but I do try to still take time to foster relationships.

We, as humans, were made for living in relationship with others. We are supposed to do life TOGETHER, not BESIDE each other. We are "talking" to everyone except for the people we are physically with. The majority of those in our society cannot go more than 10 minutes without checking their phone, and less than 5 without it. We are addicted to technology and it has split us in more ways than just having real conversations-- you are either an Apple fan or you are team android and people usually know where you stand because it can lead to arguments.

We are so far gone that we argue over cell phone and laptop brands.

When we do not answer someone's text or Facebook message within a few minutes they either get angry or start to panic. And now you know when someone read or saw your message via Facebook or your iMessage.

While I am at college, I love to write letters! I love to send others some encouragement, it is one of the things that makes me that happiest. But I also like to receive mail. It used to be that you sent a letter and someone took time out of their day to reply. But in today's time I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten a text or Facebook message saying thank you instead of a return letter. I don't know it could just be the old soul in me, but I enjoy sending letter back and forth. It gives the words a little bit more excitement.

Or it used to be that when you had a conversation with someone you were only with them. Now you are having a conversation with them and the 6 people they are messaging. How many times have you tried to have quality time with a friend and they are looking at their phone more than they are looking at you-- or you are talking to them and they can barely look up to answer you. I know for me it discourages me a little bit. I feel like i should just stop having that conversation because they clearly have something/ someone better to do/ talk to... This is something that I try my hardest not to do. If I am having quality time with someone, I will often lay my phone on the table with the screen facing up so that I can see it in case of an emergency, but rarely do I ever touch it. I enjoy to give the person I am with all of the attention. Giving them eye contact so that they know that I am listening.

I want to challenge you. The next time you are having a conversation with someone, try not to be staring at your phone-- I can almost guarantee that the person texting you will still be there when you are done, and that your conversation with the person you are WITH will be better too.

Try to take time to be in relationship WITH others and less time in front of a screen of some sort. We are losing those deep relationships that we so desperately need.

You may be looking for a healing, but He is going to give you a resurrection.

Hi loves!
Last night I had a long life chat with a wonderful friend. She and I have become really good friends this semester, and I cannot thank God enough for bringing her into my life.

Our life chat was pretty solid. It wasn't always easy things to talk about, but it is important to talk about the hard things. One of the things that we talked about is seeing yourself how God sees you. This is something that is incredibly hard to do, and I am sure that 99% of all people have a hard time believing this on some level. Some scars go deeper than others, and some people are better at taking things to heart and believing them.

Something that I learned the Student Support Network group that I am in is that everyone has a number. We all have a certain number of times that we need to hear something to make it click or for us to believe it. It can be 3 times, 30 times, or 30,000 times that you need to hear something. For myself the number is definitely on the higher side, but is important to hear something when it is said, and assess if you should strive to believe it, or release the negativity and understand that is a lie from the enemy.

I have a tendency to be incredibly hard on myself and show just about zero mercy and grace to myself. I minimize my problems to others, and I will beat myself up about almost everything. I can have the same exact thing happen to me as someone else and process it, and deal with it in the same exact way. This reaction will have been completely valid for the other person, but it is not okay for myself.

I am a work in progress to change this about myself, and I have come a far way since the past.

If my life chat last night was not enough, the message in church touched on the heart of the issue. We read John 11:1-44 which is the story of Lazarus.

If you all don't know it, here is a brief summary of what happens, there is a friend of Jesus named Lazarus. Jesus, Lazarus, and his sisters Mary and Martha are all really chill buds. Someone comes to tell Jesus that Lazarus is sick and that he needs a healing from Jesus because he is dying. Jesus says okay, but he continues to do what he was doing, he doesn't take any quick actions despite the urgency of what the others are saying (but don't worry guys, Jesus knows what He is doing!). So in a couple days Jesus goes to where Lazarus is resting in peace. Martha, Lazarus' sister, comes to meet Jesus and tells him that is he was here earlier, Lazarus wouldn't be dead, he has been dead for 4 days (which is one day too late for the peoples to have any hope that he can come back to life, see back then they believed that after a person died, that there was still a chance that they could come back to life if it was in 3 days and they would try everything they knew to make that happen), but Martha says that she knows that Jesus is still good and that she will get to see her brother again in heaven. Jesus says that her brother will rise from the dead, not in the end times, but now.After this, Mary comes to Jesus and just asks why he didn't come and save her brother. Mary can be seen as tired and worn and hurt. Jesus knows that is all going to be okay, like super soon, but despite that he knows that it is all going to work out, he takes time to recognize his friends pain and sorrow and Jesus wept. And the story goes on to show 4 days isn't too late for Jesus to resuscitate his friend Lazarus, that no time is too late for Jesus.

The pastor tied this into our lives to tell us that no matter how far gone we feel that we are that we are not too far gone for Jesus to heal us. That is not too late for Jesus-- it's not too late, but there is the reality of not yet.

The not yet refers to the part of the story where Jesus waits to go to help Lazarus. There are not yet's in our lives every single day. You want to be completely healed from something right now in this very instance and not have to deal with it later? Hmm, that sounds something a lot like the fact that everyone wanted Jesus to come now because if he didn't that it would be too late for Lazarus.

No matter how far gone you feel like you are in something-- a particular sin, in being mean to yourself, in your brokenness-- it is not too late for Jesus. He can take you and heal you. He loves you because you are you and nothing else. He doesn't love you because of that A+ you got on your Calc exam or for the good deed that you did today or even your ability to refrain from that sin you struggle with the most. He loves you because you are you. You are His child. His little girl. His beloved son. He created you to be you. He created you in His image (This is not to say that we do not need to repent of our sins, but to say that He loves you despite of them).

So, where ever you are, you are not too far for Jesus. He can intervene, and He will. Just take that first step towards Him. There is hope for you. There is hope for your situation. There is hope for my situation.

And remember that there are not yet's. You may be looking for a healing, but He is going to give you a resurrection.

My trip to New Orleans: blessed and honored.

Hi friends!

As some of you know, I recently went on a missions trip to New Orleans over my spring break. My team and I have been so blessed to have the opportunity to help out the community in Hollygrove, LA, and to hear the stories of those who live there. Those stories have shaped and grown me in so many ways and we were only in NOLA for four days!

While we were there we worked alongside Trinity Christian Community (TCC). We were able to do an array of things while we were there. We did some yard work, helped clean out a house that had been infested with rats and was broken into twice, go on a prayer walk in Hollygrove to hear some history of the town and be able to pray over not only the town, but those that live there as well, worked alongside New Orleans Missions to prepare food packs, and hand them out to members of the community who were in need, we were able to tutor some of the kids at TCC's after-school program, we got to hear the stories of many people who live in Hollygrove, and we worked with Arc alongside adults with disabilities to sort recycled Mardi Gras beads.

We were also able to go out and explore the city in the evenings. We went to the French Quarter, the Lower Ninth Ward, the Garden District, and on a swamp tour.

We went to church in Alabama the Sunday after we left PA-- I really enjoyed Alabama! I want to live there someday. My heart felt like it was at home when I was there. I had a sense of peace and home.

On our way to and from NOLA we stayed at Covenant College to break up the driving time a little bit. When we left NOLA to head back to Covenant, our leaders surprised us with a trip to Pensacola Beach, FL. It was wonderful despite the rain that we hit!

I have been incredibly blessed to go on this missions trip. I have learned so much about myself, and the people of Hollygrove. I was able to bond with my team, and share some laughs not only with them, but also with the people of NOLA and those employed at TCC. It was an amazing opportunity, and I cannot thank God enough to have been able to participate in it.

How can it be that I am free?

Hi friends,
I have been thinking a lot about what I should write about next, and I think that I figured it out. Most of you probably know that I identify more with the charismatic, Pentecostal/ Non-denominational faith. I just had a conversation with a friend about how a lot of different denominations focus on the rigidity of the Christian faith, and that can leave many people feeling kind of empty and more to desire.

For instance, they are going to focus on the fact that God is wrathful and just (which He VERY MUCH is), but they neglect to focus on the love of Christ at times. My church past is one that very much focuses on the fact that our God is a loving God and that He wants good things for your life. We acknowledge that yes, we are sinners, and we need to repent in order to be saved, but we also recognize that once we repent we are made new and the old has passed away (2 Corinthians 5:17). We are made new creatures in Him, and it is through Him that we are loved and forgiven and made as white as snow.

My God is a just God, yes, but He is also a loving and merciful and grace-giving God. I am His daughter, and He is my Father in Heaven. There is nothing that I could do or say to change that. He loves me, because I am made in His image, not because of what I have done [or haven't]. He feels my hurt and my pain. He understands it. I am washed clean from all of my inequities as soon as I repent and ask for forgiveness, and He will never ever ever say "no" or "not this time." He is always waiting for me with open arms. If you come near to God, He will come near to you (James 4:8).

I also had a conversation the same night with a different friend about the focus of the different aspects of the Trinity. All there parts of the Trinity are important, but a lot of the time there will be a large focus on the Father and Son aspect, and not so much on the Holy Spirit aspect. I am an advocate of acknowledging the Holy Spirit on personal level. The Holy Spirit is one of the most intimate aspects of the Trinity. That is how we are able to communicate to the Father. It is within us, and if we allow it to, it will guide us. God will guide us. He will use the Holy Spirit to lead us.

One of my favorite things is a really really good, Holy Spirit filled worships time. Hand-raising, Spirit moving, Spirit speaking, prayerfully connected worship. Spontaneously wonderful worship (coming from someone who doesn't like spontaneity). I love when I can feel the Holy Spirit moving in a place.

All in all, I just want you to know that you are forgiven, Your sin is not the "unforgivable" sin. There isn't one. I want you know that you are made new in Christ, and that He loves you more than you could ever know. More than you can even imagine. You were made in His image, and that alone is something that we cannot ever comprehend fully. You look like you for a reason. Your natural bent towards things was instilled in you for a reason.

God desires a personal relationship with you. He wants to give you all that He has planned for your life. He wants you to live in a way that you are continually working towards knowing Him and His word more and more. He wants you to search out His desires for your life. He wants to lead you in the way that you should go.

He loves you and desires relationship with you.

One size fits all... for socks, maybe.

Hi loves,

If you know anything about me, you know that I hate winter. So, it is only a natural thing for me to be thinking about how many days there is until I will be at the beach with sand between my toes, the warm salty breeze hitting my skin, and salt water soaking into me (and probably getting sun burnt despite my efforts to stay protected. But at this moment I don't think that I would mind some sunburn). I have 162 days until I am at the beach. (July, please come faster!)

So back to the point here, I am not here to complain about how much I hate winter (if you listen closely in the next 24 hours I will probably say that I am cold at least once). I am here to discuss a much deeper topic: Americanized beauty, what I mean by this is how America determines what is considered attractive, pretty, "hot," beautiful, sexy, etc.

I was looking for a swimsuit cover for the boardwalk while I am at the beach, and what I was finding on Amazon were pieces that we hardly covering up anything, items that we transparent, and 'one size fits all' pieces. Honestly, why even buy a cover-up if it is see through or so tiny that your swimsuit is bigger? And one size fits all? PUH-LEEZE! Nothing can fit a size small and size large woman the same way. Nothing. (Okay, maybe socks...)

When you think of the ideal American woman, what comes to mind? 

Blonde? Blue eyes? Size 2? Tall? Big boobs? Big butt? Small waist? Attentive mother, housekeeper, and successful career woman? How about a human Barbie doll?

What is [are] the thing[s] that you would change about your appearance if you were given the choice?

I am sure that your list stretches just as long as mine-- my height, my shoe size, bra size, eye color, what my nose looks like, weight, the shape of my toenails, my thighs, my hair... I could keep on going, but I am sure that you want to find out where I am going with this, and I don't want to think about all the things I wish I could change!

America seems to have the idea that women have to fit inside a certain mold to be considered beautiful or desired. The problem with that is that there is really only one mold, and there isn't any room for deviance in that. The next problem with this? That mold can only be filled by the photo-shop program on a computer. But is being Barbie-like even possible?

Now I don't know about you, but I don't want those disproportionate dimensions, not to mention the feet that are always stuck in the heel position.

Women are constantly comparing themselves to what they see in the media, and with other women. When I was younger, I desperately wanted blue eyes because my mom had blue eyes and every one loved them. She always got compliments on how pretty her eyes were (she still does). I wanted to have the same color eyes as her so that I too would get those compliments. I was always thinking about ways to change my eye color, and I was constantly comparing myself to blue eyes. And then my little sister was born, and she gets the blue eyes. I wondered what was wrong with me. Why my green (kind of mixed with grey) eyes were seen as less by myself and society. I kept comparing, and even considered buying colored contacts. It wasn't until I started to embrace my eye color that people started complimenting me. I learned that it wasn't necessarily the color of my moms eyes that got the compliments, but the confidence in them. Now I love my eyes, they show what I am feeling, and they possess a mysteriousness about them being a mix of green and grey;I thrive on the question of, "what color are your eyes exactly?" I realized that my eye color was not less than my mom and sister with blue eyes, but just different. A uniqueness that set me apart. (:

The point is that we are always so busy comparing ourselves with others that we neglect our own uniqueness that sets us apart from others. What makes us fully ourselves and not just like our neighbor.

Now let me ask you another question, what is [are] your favorite part[s] about your appearance?

That question isn't as easy to answer as the previous, is it?

It may not be easy to answer, but it is important to answer. You should feel comfortable in your own skin-- you shouldn't have to feel insecure about how you are sitting and how it makes part of you look.

You are beautiful. 

Read that line again, you are beautiful! You may not look like your best friend, or the co-worker that you envy. But, you look like you. And that makes you beautiful beyond compare. You are worth so much more than what you weigh, or what color eyes you have. You are not defined by the number on a scale-- you have fat, you are not fat. You have a fingernail, but you are not a fingernail. You are more than the number on the top of your math test. You are worth so much more than you can imagine. You were created in the image of God and He NEVER makes mistakes. You were made to be and look like only you.

Sending my love for the week!<3

Restore your focus of praise.

Today I read an article about the '10 worship songs we should stop singing.' It was written with a very subjective point of view. The author made points about songs like, "In the Secret" where there is no mention of who is being sung to. In the lyrics they use "You" referring to Christ, but it is implied in the context of the song. I happen to really enjoy this song and I love singing it in church.

While the point that the author makes is true, it is also faulty. If one is singing this [worship] song, they usually have the background context about who they are singing to. When you have the implied knowledge of who "You" is it makes for a wonderful song!

"I want to know You, I want to see Your face, I want to know You more"

And any Christian who is walking their path with Christ will agree that that is the heart of every Christian out there. We should always be seeking to know more of Christ, and we should never be satisfied with our current level of relationship with Christ.

My goal of this post is not to bash the author who wrote about these songs, but to bring into the light the idea that we shouldn't try to tell others how to worship and with what songs they choose from the millions sung on Christian radio and in churches. We should be focusing on our own relationship with the Lord. We can choose what ways we wish to worship Christ in our way, but if another Christian has an experience with God while singing "Lord I Lift Your Name On High" we need not to criticize them. We should redirect our attention to the One who is deserving of not only our attention, but also all of our praise.

In conclusion, what I want to get across is the fact that we should not try and regulate what praise songs are sung to worship God. We should focus on our own relationship with Him and the way that we worship. We should be so engulfed in Christ and His presence we cannot focus on trivial things while in that time.

An untitled post

Okay friends, I am going to be painfully honest with all of you. I couldn't fall asleep until I got the thoughts out of my head last night. So here is the poem I wrote.

"Untitled Poem"

Where do you begin for advice?

Something that makes you feel isolated.

“Trust God,” they say.

“You can’t worry about that yet”

“You aren’t that far yet”

“You don’t know what He has in store for you”

Or worse yet,

“Everything happens for a reason”

And the worst,

“Just pray about it”

All of these things linger in the air,

Loom in my mind,

And puncture my heart.

I feel inadequate.

Unworthy.

Broken.

Defective.

I mean,

Who would want me anyway?

I don’t even want me.

I try to not think about it.

I try to not worry.

I try to put my trust fully in God.

I try not to put myself down.

I try not to let myself think about it.

I try to remind myself that I don’t know for sure,

That I am not there yet.

I try to move on.

I try not to let it hurt.

But there are reminders everywhere I turn,

Mocking me.

Walking down the street,

In the mall,

At the grocery store,

On my Facebook,

Everywhere.

I don’t mean to complain.

I know everyone is sick of it.

I sound whiney.

I am being

Ungrateful.

Self-centered.

Selfish.

I’m sorry.

I know that you cannot relate,

You couldn’t possibly understand

Unless you have been here.

I want to move on.

I want to feel okay.

But how do you feel okay

When what you were created to do,

What you want the most,

Is so far out of your reach?

How do you become okay with that?

How do you move on?

Not think about it?

Push it away?

How do you refuse to feel?