An untitled post

Okay friends, I am going to be painfully honest with all of you. I couldn't fall asleep until I got the thoughts out of my head last night. So here is the poem I wrote.

"Untitled Poem"

Where do you begin for advice?

Something that makes you feel isolated.

“Trust God,” they say.

“You can’t worry about that yet”

“You aren’t that far yet”

“You don’t know what He has in store for you”

Or worse yet,

“Everything happens for a reason”

And the worst,

“Just pray about it”

All of these things linger in the air,

Loom in my mind,

And puncture my heart.

I feel inadequate.

Unworthy.

Broken.

Defective.

I mean,

Who would want me anyway?

I don’t even want me.

I try to not think about it.

I try to not worry.

I try to put my trust fully in God.

I try not to put myself down.

I try not to let myself think about it.

I try to remind myself that I don’t know for sure,

That I am not there yet.

I try to move on.

I try not to let it hurt.

But there are reminders everywhere I turn,

Mocking me.

Walking down the street,

In the mall,

At the grocery store,

On my Facebook,

Everywhere.

I don’t mean to complain.

I know everyone is sick of it.

I sound whiney.

I am being

Ungrateful.

Self-centered.

Selfish.

I’m sorry.

I know that you cannot relate,

You couldn’t possibly understand

Unless you have been here.

I want to move on.

I want to feel okay.

But how do you feel okay

When what you were created to do,

What you want the most,

Is so far out of your reach?

How do you become okay with that?

How do you move on?

Not think about it?

Push it away?

How do you refuse to feel?

Why I am slightly against Starbucks.

Hello friends!

I have been thinking a lot tonight, in avoidance of starting one of my many projects for one of my classes. What have I been thinking about you ask?

Well, a little bit of everything, but mostly about coffee. Why? Well, because I have a slight obsession with it. But anyway, I have been thinking about coffee, and not just the good, God-given, liquid substance that gives me the stamina I need each morning to put the words together to make sentences, but the general idea of coffee and coffee dates.

When I ask someone to grab coffee with me, I am not asking that we just get coffee together-- I am in it for relationship building. In fact, sometimes I have a coffee date with someone without getting coffee. Coffee dates are about relationship building.

At most coffee shops the barista will ask you if you want your coffee for here or to go. If I am going to sit in the coffee shop and have a coffee date, I want a real mug. I want to be able to hold the ceramic mug between my cold hands. I want the warmth to entrap my fingers from the bitter cold. And I want the mug to engulf my nose with the smell of coffee when I take a sip. I want to sit and have a conversation with someone over our mugs. I want the sense of home when I am in a coffee shop. In fact, that is one of my favorite parts of a coffee shop. The homey atmosphere is what catches my attention. There are so many different things to say about the ceramic mugs. I love them. Each has it's own character, and has the power to tell a story.

 The reason I am slightly against Starbucks is the fast pace. Starbucks, by default, will give you a paper to-go cup for your coffee even if you are staying. You have to piratically beg them for a real mug, and even then they do not have enough mugs for a full cafe. Or so I have heard. I haven't asked for a real mug when I am there because when I go to Starbucks it is usually when I am on the run. I avoid the place when I am having one of my many coffee dates because I am pushed away by the fact that the barista never asks if I would like my coffee for here or to go.

When Starbucks neglects to offer real mugs, they are encouraging the autonomy of this society. It is neglecting the need for real and meaningful relationships. I mean, what is homey and comforting about a cardboard cup and a plastic lid? Boy, that really says, "I want to have a meaningful conversation with you," doesn't it?

I don't think that this is going to change how Starbucks does coffee, or even to change any one person's mind about going to Starbucks for meaningful conversations-- I mean, I am just a simple girl who treasures the little things in life, and has a great need for relationships, but this blog is called 'Just A Thought...' because it is a place that a bunch of my thoughts are able to come together in one place.

And don't get me wrong, I love going to Starbucks when I am in a crunch to grab a quick coffee when I am on the run, but when I am choosing a place to get to know someone, or to have a meaningful conversation with a colleague or with a friend, I am not going to head to my nearest Starbucks. this was just some food for thought for all of you!

Sending my love! And wishing you good conversations over coffee! <3