"But I'm too broken to be loved..."

Hi all,

This post is going to be one that hits close to home for me, and it is very hard for me to write right now. It is something that I often struggle with, but am slowly learning that it just isn't true.

For most of those that know me know that my life isn't all about rainbows and unicorns-- whose life is? 

If you don't know me, I have witnessed two divorces between my parents, and my dad and step mother. Neither divorce was easy for me to get through, both of them were sticky and messy. Those of you who know me probably also know that I am the only Christian in my family and the struggles that have come along with that; there are also things in my life that I have been through that have been really hard on me. More recently, and something not everyone that knows me knows is that I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) a few weeks ago.

I tell you all of these things not for sympathy, but because the sum of all of these things can amount to me feeling like I am too broken to ever be loved. By anyone. It can often make me feel like I have too much baggage for anyone to even want to think about helping me unpack. I have wounds that cut deep, and can make me feel like I am not worth it. Like I am not enough, but simultaneously too much at the same time.

Not thin enough. Not tall enough. Not pretty enough. Too clingy. Too emotional. Too sensitive. Not worth anyone's time. Not worth anyone's love.

I even struggle with Christ's love at times. I know that He loves me unconditionally and that He forgives me for all of my sins, but sometimes I struggle to forgive myself. It is a hard concept for me to grasp that Christ can love me that much. That God of all the universe loves me enough to send His one and only Son to die for me. To die for ME-- for my mess ups, my sins. That anyone could love me, in all of my brokenness and all of the places that I fall short, that He would die for me.

Now it isn't that I don't know that all of these things are a lie and not true at all. No, I am well aware of this. I know that I need to think more positively of myself. That I need to believe that I am lovable and that I am worth it and that I am enough. I have the knowledge, oh, do I have the knowledge. But it is the believing it where I struggle.

I know that all of these feelings date back to a self-worth issue that needs to be dealt with to receive any healing at all; I also know that the only true healing can come from Christ.

Now that I have said all of that, I want to tell you all that you are worth it and you are loved. Did you hear me? 

You. Are. Worth. It. 

You. Are. Loved.

After reading all of what I shared with you, you are probably saying that I am calling the kettle black, and I would agree with you on some level. I am telling you that you are worth it and that you are loved because I know that it is true and I am working towards believing it about myself. AND, you should do the same. Know what is true and work to believe it. So yes, I am calling the kettle black, but I am also working towards the same goal.

It's not easy, I know. You are going to struggle; you are going to get angry, and you are going to cry,. It will take a while. But it is the only way to start the road to healing. Fully.

So know that you are worth it. Know that you are loved. And nothing that you have ever gone through, nothing that you will ever go through will change that. Nothing. Not one thing can change how much you are worth. Nothing can change how loved you are. You are a child of the One True King. You are loved beyond your comprehension. And you are worth so much through Christ. He knit you in your mother's womb. He created you in all of your beauty in His image.

You are worth it. You are loved.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.