Sun, sand, salt water... and swim suit season?

Hey friends,
I bought a new swim suit the other day in preparation of my two beach trips coming up this summer... I know, I know. The dreaded swim suit season.

I cannot speak for men, but for women this is a time that awaits as soon as the previous season ends. It lurks in the darkness, ready to attack-- especially at the beginning of January after all of the holiday food goodness.

We chastise ourselves for eating that second piece of pumpkin pie, that cookie after 8:00pm, or that third glass of wine. And then it is March. And then April. And finally it is May and we really have to start thinking about vacations, and so we dig out the old faithful. That swim suit that you have had since... well forever because you don't want to shop for a new one. But to your dismay it is over stretched and there are a few holes in it, so you are forced to look for a new one.

Who made up swim suit sizes anyway? They're not like jeans or dresses, and why do they show so much skin? That one looks like half of your undergarments! You need a medium in bottoms and a large on the top-- so whole pieces are tricky; you fill out the bottom just fine, but why is there all of this extra space on top? You've never been so aware of how small (or large) your breasts are until this very moment standing in that dressing room. You're either popping out, or you can't fill the extra space. So you try on another suit. This one makes you feel just as insecure as the last one.

As I went through this process the other day, with nine different swim suits, I found one I liked, but then I wondered if other people would think it looked okay, or if they would judge me or make fun of me while I was reading on the beach. And then it hit me-- I cannot remember what one person was wearing when I was at the beach last year.

Let me tell you something my sweet friends, when you are laying in that sand,  people couldn't care less what you look like. Why would they? There is an entire ocean in front of them!

I don't even remember the color of someone's suit let alone what they looked like in it. But what I do remember is the sun warming my bare shoulders, the waves kissing my toes, and the sand sticking to every single thing I had with me!

So my dear ones, buy that new suit! Find one that you like and wear it proud! If you want a bikini, tankini, or whole piece, get one! If you feel comfortable in it, go for it.

Society tells us rhat we have to look like a  Victoria's Secret model that has been airbrushed and photo shopped so much that she can't even recognize herself on the bilboard in front of her. Society tells us that a "plus sized," ahem, average woman cannot wear a bikini. But she can. YOU can.

How you look in a swim suit, or a dress, or a pair of skinny jeans is NOT a prerequisite for your beauty or worth.

There are not prerequisites for your beauty or worth-- you were created by a divine Creator who gives you worth just because He made you, and sees you as more beautiful than you could ever imagine. So much more than what you look like in some stupid piece of polyester and spandex.

So when you start to feel insecure in the dressing room trying on swim suit number 15, try to remember what the stranger next to you on the beach last year looked like, and when you can't, go ahead and buy that suit! Find your worth in Christ and your beautiful spirit will radiate from within you!

Listen to those little whispers. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Today after church, I was sitting on my bed playing my newly bought ukulele. I was playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Amazing Grace for up-teenth time in the last two weeks, and I still can't move chords smoothly.

Despite my inability to change chords smoothly I looked up a tutorial for "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli (or Jesus Culture if you know that version). We sang this song in church this morning and I really want to be able to play it... to my dismay there were some chords that I do not know yet that are too complicated for me right now, and I am still kind of trying to get the hold of different strumming patterns.

I kept looking for an easier version that maybe I could just start to play-- I stumbled across a little girl, maybe eight or nine, playing the song on her ukulele. I clicked on the link hoping that it would be a little easier because she was younger. I was never so wrong in my life; turns out this little girl was really skilled at ukulele, piano, and drums and has been for a while.

That's when the lies started to creep in... I started to wonder, "Why can't I be naturally gifted at playing instruments?" "Why am I trying to even learn, I can't read music anyway." "You're never going to be that good. You wasted your money." "You can't do anything that well."

Those lies circled around in my head for a few minutes, and then I heard that still small voice whisper to my heart. I heard my Abba tell me that I need not to compare myself to others. Especially not their highlight wheels to my behind the scenes-- that little girl has been playing since she was five or six. I have been playing for two weeks. Yes, she may be more gifted than I will ever be in music, but I will get better than I am right now. I closed Youtube on my phone and ran through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star several more times and Amazing Grace once or twice until my finger tips were sore. I'm not exactly the gifted type, but I do have persistence and determination.

I may not have been created to play uke as well as that little girl or to have the same complexion as someone else. I have been created to be me. I may not be naturally gifted in music, academics, singing, sports, or any number of other things, but I have been created by the Father and let me tell you something about my Abba-- He loves me deeply. And He did not mistakenly create me. There is a call on my life and I have purpose in this world.

I have been created with resilience and persistence. With determination and empathy. I have been purposed to encourage, to love, and to speak Truth. And there is a deep call on my life to love the Lord, to worship Him, and to share Him. To be ever seeking to be more and more like Him. I am called to be His child.

These last few days have been hard and there have been some tears shed because I was in a vulnerable state and the enemy saw my hurting heart and took advantage of that with everything that he has. I was too broken to fight back, but I kept asking the Lord to let me lean into His comfort and that His arms would wrap around me. I had a wonderful woman of God pouring love and truth over my heart at the time, but I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't have what it took to stand back up in those hard places, and my mind was being flood with memories from my childhood when I was in those same hurting places. My gram once told me to wrap my arms around myself and give myself a hug when I was hurting and imagine that she was hugging me (I went through a sticky divorce where I wasn't allowed to talk to or see the other side of the family for a week until I switched houses). I would do this very often as a child. And I have found myself doing it again now. As I did this the other day I felt a comfort that the Lord was holding me close and I was hugging Him back.

I say all of this because what I was feeling was a product of comparing myself to other people and it broke me down. Comparison is the thief of joy; the enemy quickly sweeps in and grabs a foothold in your self-doubt. But the Father wants you to come to Him; even when you are hurting too much from those comparisons you have spoken over your life or someone else has spoken over you, He wants to love and comfort you. He wants whisper those truths to your weary heart (literally or He may use other people to tell you those truths).

I am not those lies the enemy was shouting at me left and right, but I am those small whispers of truths... I am worth more than earthly things. I can find joy. I fit in just fine, I am so very LOVED, I am not isolated, but connected, I am a leader. And the tears will stop.

When I stopped looking at my comparison wheel and the scarcity that is there, I was able to hear those precious, precious words from the Father. I was able to get out of bed and dust myself off. I pushed through the times I felt the tears starting to well up again throughout the day. I had a late lunch/ early dinner with one of my best friends-- that is probably the thing that I needed the most (physically) that day. Solid conversation with a solid woman of God who is also such a solid friend.

Let me speak some truth over you right now my sweet, sweet friend. You are so very loved. SO LOVED. And there is nothing that you can do that will ever change how loved you are. There is a call on your life and you are purposed. You are connected. And there are always open arms waiting for you to run into them. You are not those lies screaming in your head, but listen to those little whispers. Don't compare yourself; you were created uniquely you and there is no one else that you should be. Sending my love!