Musings: The glitter on the sidewalk always shines.

I have learned a lot in the past, usually the hard way because I have tendencies to do certain things by trial and error after I have given them much thought. Some of my life's little musings are as follows:

1. Smile. Just smile at people-- at strangers. When we skimp out on the smile, especially with strangers, they can walk away with the perception that we are mean and miserable. And your smile can make all the difference in their day.
2. Take everything with a grain of salt.Good things are great and bad things are bad, but there is always something in the in between.
3. Refrain from your complaining. Seriously. When you complain (especially about other people) it brings everyone else around you down to your level. Venting is necessary, but have vent sessions with one person, maybe two if you're having a particularly bad day-- and make sure you ask them if you can vent first. Complaining is detrimental to yourself and others. Make it a habit to say three positive thing about the person or situation or thing that you are complaining about. It will make a big difference in your life.
4. "And if not, He is still good." (He is referring to Jesus Christ). He is good no matter what, even when He tells you 'no.' His no is better than anything you could dream up for yourself.
5. Not everything that feels good is good for you and not everything that hurts is bad for you.
6. Coffee and good conversation will fix almost anything.
7. And if coffee and good conversation can't fix it, peanut butter will. If peanut butter can't fix it... well... I don't know what to tell you.
8. Be intentional. With everyone you meet. Ask your professors to lunch or to grab coffee, they are humans too, and they love when you treat them like they are a real person. Just get to know them more than the person teaching you sociology in the front of the classroom. Be intentional with the cashier or the person making your sub at Subway-- just say hello and thank them.
9. Patience is a virtue? Yes it is, but it is a virtue that you should and need to learn. I can't stress this enough. Be patient. You will be happier and less anxious.
10. Be calm. Don't overreact to the little things-- don't sweat the small stuff! The sooner that you realize that a mess is just a mess and can be cleaned up, you will feel better about who you are, and the people you interact with (your children, spouse, parents, co-workers, friends, etc) will be less likely to live in fear of making a mistake around you.
11. When something happens to you, it is not the end of the world. I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome), does it suck? Absolutely. Will it affect me? Absolutely. Is it the end of the world? Definitely not. The glitter on the sidewalk always shines. Grieve it. Accept it. Live with it. But DON'T let it control you or your life.
12. You can't fix everyone, and you don't have to try. You should be there to listen and support those you love, but you aren't expected to fix their problems.
13. Find value in every single person that you meet. We are all created in the image of God and we all reflect different parts of Christ (including those who are not saved). We were all given dignity and worth when God created us. Before we did or didn't do anything. God loves you just because He made you. He is proud of you.
14. Send encouraging notes. Anonymously or signed. People love getting them and it can make their whole day a lot better than it was before!
15. Cleaning isn't everything. Relationships are more important. A lot of things are more important than a sparkling kitchen floor. Name your dust bunnies and move on! No, I'm not saying to be dirty and live in filth, I am just saying that everything doesn't have to be perfect.
16. Don't worry, don't hurry. Do your best, and leave the rest.
17. Make sure you have time to take God and I time (aka: devotionals)  daily. You won't fall a part as easily.
18. Make sure you are taking the time to feel something painful and not just stuffing and numbing it. Let yourself feel the pain, if you don't it will all build up and you will explode.
19. Life is too short to be under-dressed all of the time. Can you have a t-shirt and jeans day? Sure! But dress up sometimes!
20. Fight for what you feel is right. Specifically those of human concerns (pro-life, modern slavery, human trafficking, domestic and child abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, mental), health care reforms, etc.)

Lead me where my trust is without borders, no seriously.

"Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

let me walk upon the waters

wherever you would call me

take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

and my faith would be made stronger

in the presence of my Savior"

Today I read a blog post on this song. It is a really good read about why we should stop singing this song. It made me stop and rethink my own motivation of singing this song over and over again in church, in the shower, in the car, walking to and from classes, and when I am just jamming out on Spotify.

When I first started singing this song I believe that I was singing it and only meaning the lyrics when I was in church on Sunday morning, but this past summer something changed. I suddenly started living these lyrics.

I made the decision to ask God to use me for His glory. I asked Him to send me. I wanted Him to lead me where my trust is without borders. And He did.

It was uncomfortable and at times I wanted to quit. Sometimes I still want to, and some days I do. But, I am learning that letting The Spirit lead you is one of the best things that you can do. It is the best and the worst thing that we can experience.

I have been doing some soul searching these last couple of days after my Foundations and Calling professor asked us to really look at our lives and determine if we are truly relying on God and asking Him to lead us in the way we should go, while the doors that are being opened in our lives don't quite make sense or are we letting our own wants and desires lead our calling? Are we making decisions based on the outcomes we want to happen? She challenged us to really think about that and be in prayer about it.

I came to the conclusion that I am fully trusting God in parts of my life, but that I am holding on to what is safe and what I want in other parts. I need to let God have all of me because through Him and His salvation over my life I am no longer my own. I am His. And so why should I question the God of all gods, over all nations? Who am I to say no if He is calling me to minister to the stranger behind me at Target? How can I say no to a God who is all good and all merciful? Who am I to say no to Him who died for ME?

So, no, I don't think that we should stop singing 'Oceans,' but I do think that we need to mean it when we sing it. I think all of us need to think about why we are not trusting God fully and letting Him lead our every step? Why are we not truly asking Him to lead us where our trust is without borders?

I have trouble with trusting fully, even with God, and so I know that it is a lot easier said than done, but I also know from experience that when we ask Him to lead us to that place that it gets easier to trust Him. You are being so pushed to move past your comfort zone, and if you obediently follow, you will trust Him, because you simply have no other choice.

So friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, let's ask to be led where our trust is without borders and mean it. Ask God to use you for His glory and be obedient in what He asks you to do. I will be praying for all of you.

Here's the song if some of you do not know it:

"But I'm too broken to be loved..."

Hi all,

This post is going to be one that hits close to home for me, and it is very hard for me to write right now. It is something that I often struggle with, but am slowly learning that it just isn't true.

For most of those that know me know that my life isn't all about rainbows and unicorns-- whose life is? 

If you don't know me, I have witnessed two divorces between my parents, and my dad and step mother. Neither divorce was easy for me to get through, both of them were sticky and messy. Those of you who know me probably also know that I am the only Christian in my family and the struggles that have come along with that; there are also things in my life that I have been through that have been really hard on me. More recently, and something not everyone that knows me knows is that I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome) a few weeks ago.

I tell you all of these things not for sympathy, but because the sum of all of these things can amount to me feeling like I am too broken to ever be loved. By anyone. It can often make me feel like I have too much baggage for anyone to even want to think about helping me unpack. I have wounds that cut deep, and can make me feel like I am not worth it. Like I am not enough, but simultaneously too much at the same time.

Not thin enough. Not tall enough. Not pretty enough. Too clingy. Too emotional. Too sensitive. Not worth anyone's time. Not worth anyone's love.

I even struggle with Christ's love at times. I know that He loves me unconditionally and that He forgives me for all of my sins, but sometimes I struggle to forgive myself. It is a hard concept for me to grasp that Christ can love me that much. That God of all the universe loves me enough to send His one and only Son to die for me. To die for ME-- for my mess ups, my sins. That anyone could love me, in all of my brokenness and all of the places that I fall short, that He would die for me.

Now it isn't that I don't know that all of these things are a lie and not true at all. No, I am well aware of this. I know that I need to think more positively of myself. That I need to believe that I am lovable and that I am worth it and that I am enough. I have the knowledge, oh, do I have the knowledge. But it is the believing it where I struggle.

I know that all of these feelings date back to a self-worth issue that needs to be dealt with to receive any healing at all; I also know that the only true healing can come from Christ.

Now that I have said all of that, I want to tell you all that you are worth it and you are loved. Did you hear me? 

You. Are. Worth. It. 

You. Are. Loved.

After reading all of what I shared with you, you are probably saying that I am calling the kettle black, and I would agree with you on some level. I am telling you that you are worth it and that you are loved because I know that it is true and I am working towards believing it about myself. AND, you should do the same. Know what is true and work to believe it. So yes, I am calling the kettle black, but I am also working towards the same goal.

It's not easy, I know. You are going to struggle; you are going to get angry, and you are going to cry,. It will take a while. But it is the only way to start the road to healing. Fully.

So know that you are worth it. Know that you are loved. And nothing that you have ever gone through, nothing that you will ever go through will change that. Nothing. Not one thing can change how much you are worth. Nothing can change how loved you are. You are a child of the One True King. You are loved beyond your comprehension. And you are worth so much through Christ. He knit you in your mother's womb. He created you in all of your beauty in His image.

You are worth it. You are loved.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Don't tell me to pray about it.

I had a conversation tonight, and I thought that I was the only person who felt this way, but I'm not so I thought I'd share with all of you!

When I am struggling with things and I call someone in need of an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on and they just tell me that I need to pray about it... I mean, come on! That is the LAST thing that I want to hear in that moment. All I needed of that person was to listen to me and to let me cry.

Don't get me wrong; prayer is a wonderful thing and it works and I couldn't live without it. And I know that it is in these moments when I need to turn to God in prayer the most, but when I am in my brokenness I don't want someone shoving scripture in my face! All it does in that moment-- when I feel I have reached rock bottom-- is push me away from prayer. When I am in that place I don't need to be told to pray about it; I need you to stop me and pray with me.

I am not saying that praying by ourselves can't work-- because I KNOW that it can, I am saying that we are called to share our struggles with each other and to pray with each other. To lift each other up in Christ. Simply telling me to pray about it or read my bible, when in that moment it can be the last thing I want to do, and then just leaving me be isn't drawing me closer to Christ and lifting me up in Him, it is pushing me away and pushing me down. Pray with me. Read the bible with me. Direct me to a certain scripture. Share my struggle with me.

It is then, in those moments of brokenness, that I need you to love me the most. It is in those moments that I need you to be there to listen to me the most. That I need you to pray with me the most. It is then that I need my focus to be redirected back to Christ, but in a gentle and loving way. It is in those moments that I need you to show me the love of Christ like we are called to do and gently help me turn my eyes back upon Him. Not shove it in my face and make me want to push away, but to lovingly pray with me, and to gently listen to me, and to freely let me cry.

And although, it is the most important thing i need to be doing; I also need someone to listen to me, and to pray with me. I sometimes just need that encouraging word or a safe place to cry.